Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Never, Say Never?

You Must Say NEVER to Some Things
Erma Bombeck said, "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

Tennessee Granddaddy has some "nevers" also.

  • Never go to a restaurant that still has the  Christmas decorations up in February thru October.

  • Never wait in line for over 5 minutes, unless it means life or death.

  • Never take a laxative and sleeping pill at the same time.

  • StopNever do anything that you wouldn't want to tell your wife.

  • Never give advice unless you are sure the person wants it. Even then be careful.

  • Never ever ask a woman if she is pregnant or ask her age.

  • When driving on the interstate, never miss the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

  • Never forget to say thank you and to show common courtesy.

  • Never forget to smile.

  • Never touch the stove to see if it is hot.

  • Never cosign for a friend.

  • Never get a tattoo.

  • Never kick a cow pile in the pasture field.

  • Never use a big word when a simple one will do.

  • Never argue with a woman. You'll always lose.

  • Never hesitate saying, "no" when you wife asks if she looks fat.

  • Never forget you wedding anniversary and your wife birthday.

Do you have some “nevers” that I may have missed. I’d like to see them.

 
~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Dad and I’ll joke sometimes by saying, “If I had known I would live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.” That’s funny when you think about it.

~~~
Quote of the Day
Take care of your body.
It's the only place you have to live.
~Jim Rohn

~~~
Joke of the Day

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist: "Paint me with diamond ear-rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach and a gold Rolex."

The confused artist said: "But you're not wearing any of those things."

"I know," she said. "I don’t own any of them either, but if I die before my husband, I'm sure my husband will remarry. And I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."



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3 comments:

Dar said...

Never say Never!

You're lucky to still have your Dad. Mine Used to say the same thing.

I love, Love, LOVE that joke. Hmmm, I think I need a portrait painted. LOL LOL
Thanks for making my morning

madcobug said...

I like your list of nevers. Cute joke about the portrait. Helen

TARYTERRE said...

I object to one of your NEVERS. "Never go to a restaurant that still has the Christmas decorations up in February thru October." How come? I love the holiday and twinkle lights are beautiful. I leave my Christmas tree up year round. I kid you not.