Saturday, January 26, 2008

How About This?

New Year's Resolution
I'm a little discouraged this morning. No more weight loss. I've been diligent on my exercise and diet. But sometimes it goes like that. I will keep on going! I am determined! Eleven pounds in 3 weeks is great. My plan was to loose between about 2.5 pounds a week. So I am ahead of my goal.

The Answers to Yesterday's Puzzles

The Coal, Carrot and Scarf - Five pieces of coal, a carrot and a scarf are lying on the lawn. Nobody put them on the lawn but there is a perfectly logical reason why they should be there. What is it? Answer: They were used by children who made a snowman. The snow has now melted.

Trouble with Sons - A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so? Answer: They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets etc.)

How About This?
Back some time ago I started making a list of insulting sayings that one could say about someone (No harm intended, and all in fun). Here's my current list (And thanks for your input!):
  • His lights are on but one is home.
  • He's a few bricks shy of a full load.
  • His bread is not quite done.
  • His elevator does not go to the top floor.
  • He has bats in his attic.
  • His wood is not stacked straight.
  • He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • His motor will start, but will only idle.
  • He's about 3/4 bubble off plumb.
  • The wheel's turning but the hamster's dead.
  • He's not the brightest crayon in the box.
  • He's got a brain like a BB in a boxcar.
  • His IQ is lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.
  • She's knitting with only one needle.
  • He's A pane short of a window.
  • He's got bats in the belfry.
  • If they made hats the size of his brain he would be wearing a peanut shell.
  • He's A few pickles short of a quart.
  • He's Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
  • He's a few cards short of a full deck.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • A few clowns short of a circus.
  • A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
  • Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Say hello to Mort.
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I've also got a list of what has been said about some people at performance reviews:
  • "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."
  • "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."
  • "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
  • "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
  • "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
  • "He gives incompetence a bad name."
  • "He works fast, but, unfortunately, he thinks slow."

And then here's a sign posted by some employees:

We the willing
Led by the unknowing,

Are doing the impossible,

For the ungrateful.

And have done so much

With so little

For so long,

That we are now capable of doing anything

With nothing.

Quote of the Day
As long as there are tests and exams,
there will be prayer in schools.
~Author Unknown

Joke of the Day

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

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1 comment:

Mandy said...

11 pounds in three weeks is awesome! Keep up the good work! You lose the most weight in the beginning, and then it'll begin to level out, but you will keep making progress...And living healthier!