Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Words Mean Everything

wordsRead These Sentences
They will make you think and laugh. Thanks to my friend Betty for sending this to me…

1.  A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2.  A will is a dead giveaway.

3.  Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4.  A backward poet writes inverse.

5.  A chicken crossing the road:  poultry in motion.

6.  When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7.  The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was
      fully recovered.

8.  You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

9.  He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

10.  A calendar's days are numbered.

11.  A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12.  He had a photographic memory which was never

13.  The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: 
       a small medium at large.

14.  Those who get too big for their britches will be
      exposed in the end.

15.  When you've seen one shopping center you've 
        seen a mall.

16.  If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

17.  When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she thought she'd dye.

18.  Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19.  Acupuncture:  a jab well done.

20.  Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the
       agony of de feet.

21.  The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table
       was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from
       too much pi.

22.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
       but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

23.  She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved
       her still.

24.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from
       algebra class because it was a weapon of math

25.  No matter how much you push the envelope,
       it'll still be stationery.

26.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
       was cited for littering.

27.  Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

28.  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. 
       The police are looking into it.

29.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

30.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger,
       then it hit me.

31.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
       said:  'Keep off the Grass'.

32.  A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
      to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned
       to ask how he was, a nurse said:  'No change yet'.

33.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and
       pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

34.  Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

The above was part of a comic in a recent newspaper.
I like this kind of humor. I was a big fan of the Far Side cartoon. I sure hated to see Larson quit.

Quote of the Day
Retirement: World's longest coffee break. 
~Author Unknown


Joke of the Day

Loving Note Sent to Husband From Wife:

My darling husband, Before you return from your business trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately it's not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but fortunately the pickup came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.  You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture of the damage for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.


P.S. Your Girl friend Called

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