How Long Do We Have?

The following makes interesting reading. I present it as food for thought. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of the contents and the statistics quoted. You be the judge.

How Long Do We Have?
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh , had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier:

• 'A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.

• 'A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.'

• 'From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.'

• 'The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years'

• 'During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. from bondage to spiritual faith;
2. from spiritual faith to great courage;
3. from courage to liberty;
4. from liberty to abundance;
5. from abundance to complacency;
6. from complacency to apathy;
7. from apathy to dependence;
8. from dependence back into bondage'

Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law, St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 Presidential election:

• Number of States won by: Democrats: 19 Republicans: 29
• Square miles of land won by: Democrats: 580,000 Republicans: 2,427,000
• Population of counties won by: Democrats: 127 million Republicans: 143 million
• Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Democrats: 13.2 Republicans: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: 'In aggregate, the map of the territory Republican won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country. Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare...'

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the 'complacency and apathy' phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the 'governmental dependency' phase.

Comments by Tennessee Granddaddy:

• I regret I do not know the author of the above.
  
• Are you aware that our country is a Republic and not a Democracy? In view of this, perhaps the above does not apply.
• If you want to better understand the difference between a Republic and a Democracy, I invite you to check out the following links:

1. Republic Vs. Democracy 1
   
2. Republic Vs. Democracy 2
3. On Republic Vs. Democracy
4. An Important Distinction
   

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Give everyone you see today a big smile.

~~~
Quote of the Day

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.
~Ben Hecht

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Joke of the Day

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

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Bar Sues Church

Someone sent this to me the other day. I am not sure if it is true, but I thought it was funny. It may make you laugh a little bit, and what would be wrong with that? Read on...

Bar Sues Local Church
In a small Texas town, a new tavern business stated constructing a building in which to open up a bar. The local Baptist church began a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed, however right up until the week before opening, when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing.... he commented..............

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Count your blessings. Be thankful for the privilege of life.

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Quote of the Day

No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.
~Knights of Pythagoras

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Joke of the Day

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Magic Ice

A while back I ran across this video showing how to make ice from water... instantaneously! I have not tried it. Does anyone know if this would really work?

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Go outside and touch a leaf, feel the tree trunk, and look at the sky. Look for a four-leaf clover, pet a dog, taste a lemon, smell the air, hear the birds... Exercise your senses. Life is wonderful!

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Quotes of the Day

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
~Iara Gassen

You must weed your mind as you would weed your garden.
~Astrid Alauda

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Joke of the Day

A state trooper pulls over a blonde on a lonely back road and says, "Ma'am, is there a reason why you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So, I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. Then, I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

The officer reached through the side window to the rear view mirror, and explained, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Start Laughing

I think it would be good to start this week off with some laughter. So... Here's another funny video by Aaron Wilburn.

A Record Lake Trout
You might remember that I have been fishing some at South Holston Lake and catching some Lake Trout. I heard that they were stocked two and a half years ago as 2 inch fingerings. You may recall that we caught a few of these fish in the 5 pound range. That is an amazing amount of growth for these fish.

Now I have learned something more interesting. Watauga Lake has been stocking Lake Trout for sometime. Now get this... A new Tennessee State record Lake Trout was caught a couple of weeks ago from Watauga. It weighed 22 pounds and 2 ounces. (And I thought the fish we were catching were big!)

Here's TWRA picture of the fish caught by Jack and Mary Forbes. The Knoxville News-Sentinel had a nice article on this record setting fish. Click here to read it.

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
No matter what, there is no substitute for kindness.

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Quote of the Day

If a mistake is not a stepping stone, it is a mistake.
~Eli Siegel

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Joke of the Day

"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

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Kim Komando

Kim Komando is a well known computer guru. She has a radio show and a web site with lot of interesting and helpful material. Check out he web page: Kim Komando. She also shares a video of the day on her site. Just recently she had a video about Tarry Fator, a ventriloquist.

Here's some of what Kim Komando said about Tarry Fator's video (and I quote):

"Fator does something I’ve never seen a ventriloquist do before. He sings. Not only that, he can impersonate famous singers through his puppets. For his audition, he brought out his puppet Emma. He does an amazing impression of Etta James’ At Last. You won’t believe your ears. And he does it without moving his lips!

"Fator had been a ventriloquist for 20 years without much success. He won that season of America’s Got Talent. That netted him a $1 million prize. He’ll soon be headlining at the Mirage casino in Las Vegas. That netted him a $100 million contract. Talk about a turn of fortune."

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Quote of the Day

A bank is a place that will lend you money if
you can prove that you don't need it.
~Bob Hope

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Joke of the Day

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

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Have You Ever Failed?

Here's a interesting video about failure. But it's inspiring in that it teaches us to keep on trying even if we have failed. Watch this....

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Remember, you only fail if you fail to try.

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Quote of the Day

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.
~Mad Magazine

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Joke of the Day

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

I've Learned A Lot...

Things I've Learned
I received an email that said these things were written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. But according to Snopes.com, that is not true. Anyway, it's a good list to review. Read on...

• I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
• I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
• I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
• I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
• I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

~~~

• I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
• I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
• I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
• I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
• I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

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• I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
• I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
• I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
• I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
• I've learned... That under every one's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

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• I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
• I’ve learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
• I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
• I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
• I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

~~~

• I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
• I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
• I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
• I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
• I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

~~~

• I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
• I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
• I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
• I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
• I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I could say, "Me too" to each of the above. And, I'm sure you could too. I hope I can use what I have learned to be a kinder and better person.

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

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Quote of the Day

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
~Tenneva Jordan

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Joke of the Day

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how She would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads!

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Ponder These Things

Do You Ever Ponder? Here's some things to ponder:

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
3. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
4. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
5. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time?
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
7. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all those Acme products, why didn't he just buy dinner?
8. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
9. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
10. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
11. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
12. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
13. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Something Funny! This guy's name is Aaron Wilburn and he is hilarious! He's the same one I showed sometime back that sung that song, "If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you". Go watch that song by clicking here.

Check Aaron's website: AaronWilburn.com. Watch this YouTube video with a good sample of his humor.

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
You can't have everything; where would you put it?

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Quote of the Day

Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was.
~Will Rogers

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Joke of the Day

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body, while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some special person in administration.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

What's Really Important?

I received this the other day. It is really good. The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress..
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies.. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier for sure!

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials.. the most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most. Why don't you let those people know how important they are to you.

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Quote of the Day

If you're yearning for the good old days,
just turn off the air conditioning.
~Griff Niblack

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Joke of the Day

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It doesn't take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost! It's half past three! I was in bed!" screams the man as he slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened. She remarks, "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," explains the wife. "He needs our help and it would be nice to help him."

So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door but he can't see the stranger anywhere in the dark, so he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

He hears a voice cry out, "Yes, please."

Where are you?" shouts the homeowner.

The stranger calls back, "I'm over here, in your swing."

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The Perfect Marriage

Do you remember Red Skelton? If you don't you are a lot younger that I am. Red Skelton was a popular radio and TV comedian from 1937-1971. He died in 1997. Here is some of his humor...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR
THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'

Red Skelton played the role of Freddie the Freeloader. Here's a short video of him in this role.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

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Quote of the Day

God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone,
but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars.
~Martin Luther

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Joke of the Day

A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Not Much.. just growing older

Some Truths About Growing Older

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Two interesting links:

1. Satellite Photos - Beautiful pictures from space with descriptions. You'll really like this!
2. Understanding our tax laws- A simple example illustrating how our taxes work

Just in case you're interested:

• You can check out my fishing pictures for 2008 here: 2008 Fishing Album
• You can check out all my photo albums here: Jim's Public Photo Albums
• And don't forget my YouTube video clips. You can watch them here: Jim's YouTube Videos
• And... you can find all of the above and a lot more at my home web page.
  

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Quote of the Day

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.
~Mac McCleary

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Joke of the Day

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.

Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in New York and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Make A Face

I found an easier way to draw a face than using PhotoShop. The link below allows you to select different facial features and draw a face. It called Ultimate Flash Face. Try it. You pick the hair, head shape, eyes, eyebrows, nose, etc.

Here's a mystery man I created. Does he look like anyone you know?

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
The big and mighty oak tree is nothing but a nut that held its ground.

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Quote of the Day

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.
~William D. Tammeus

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Joke of the Day

An old friend and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to his wife would be like.

It seems the minister asked her, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my friend, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and she said, "He does."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Drawing Talent

It is absolutely amazing what people can do in Photoshop software. I stumbled upon this YouTube video of someone drawing Indiana Jones with Photoshop.

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

It's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

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Quote of the Day

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.
~Harry Truman

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Joke of the Day

Harry died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend.

'Well, I'm sure Harry would be pleased,' she said.

'I'm sure you're right,' replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

'How much did this really cost?'

'All of it,' said Sarah.? 'Forty thousand.'

'No!'? Jody exclaimed.? 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'

Sarah answered, 'The funeral was $6,500.? I donated $500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500.? The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'

Jody computed quickly.? '$32,500 for a Memorial Stone?? My goodness, how big is it?'

'Four and a half carats.'

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

To every thing there is a season, and a time ...

I have very beautiful link to share with you today. It is based on Ecclesiastes 3, Verses 1-8, 11.

It is very beautiful music and photography. Click below for a real treat:

Ecclesiastes 3

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
On the other hand, you have...different fingers.

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Quote of the Day

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."
~ Ecclesiastes 12:13

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Joke of the Day

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter "Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says .. "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day!

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

His and Hers road Trip

Driving You Crazy?
You girls out there will love what I have for today. These new GPS devices may save a lot of marriages, do you think? The guys might listen to the GPS, but not the wife.

HER ROAD TRIP
1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. Opens window
3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
4. Arrives at destination presently.

HIS ROAD TRIP
1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
4. Pulls up to a 7-11
5. Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky
6. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
7. Gets back into car.
8. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
9. Drives down a dirt road with no streetlights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
10. Almost hits a deer
11. Gets mad at the night
12. Gets mad at you
13. Spills the large slurpee
14. Stops by the side of the road to clean off the slurpee
15. Returns to car
16. Drives and fiddles with radio.
17. Yells at you for suggesting the map again
18. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
19. He hates your sister.
20. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel
21. He had to look up pernicious.
22. Couldn't find a dictionary.
23. Finally found a dictionary
24. Couldn't spell pernicious.
25. Seethes at the memory of it all.
26. But she is laughing inside...
27. And of course you're still lost.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

~~~
Quote of the Day

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

'Well', said her mother, 'so how was the honeymoon?'

'Oh mama', she replied, 'The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic'. Suddenly she burst out crying.

'But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!'

'Sarah, Sarah', her mother said, 'calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?'

Sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook...'

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New Slide Shows!

PowerPoint Slide Shows
I have added five (5) more PowerPoint Slide Shows to My Favorite Slide Shows web page. I now have a total of 31 slide shows that you can download to your computer and enjoy. The latest include:

1. We Thank You - a tribute to our armed forces.
2. Life - Beautiful photography and thoughtful messages.
3. Lessons from the Geese - The is a very powerful message to us from the geese.
4. The Northern Lights - A beautiful and strange phenoms.
5. Kids & Their Animal Friends - Very cute photographs.

This sample picture from the last one listed.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I've seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

~~~
Quote of the Day

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
~Henry Ward Beecher

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man is sitting on his front stoop staring at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.

Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.

"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."

"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will.'"

"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I MEANT to say. But what came OUT was, 'Of course I do.'"

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Old Geezers

Appreciate Old Geezers
We need day of appreciation for Old Geezers. It came to me the other day when I got this wonderful email explaining about the me we call "Old Geezers". We could call it "Old Geezer Day"!

I also learned it's not a bad thing to be called as you will see....

"Geezers" are easy to spot: At sporting events, during the playing of the Star Spangled BANNER. Old Geezers remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Geezers remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler.

They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War 1950-55, The Cold War, the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.

If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Geezers hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies or in e-mails.

Old Geezers have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren. It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Geezers with their decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old Geezers!

Tennessee Granddaddy says, "I hope I can grow up to be a good Old Geezer!"

~~~
Try This

This is not a joke but it is funny and it will boggle your mind.
And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction. I told you so..... And there's nothing you can do about it!!

~~~
Quote of the Day

A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.
~Eudora Welty

~~~
Joke of the Day

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."

When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

And up north a few miles...
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell , but I got his license number."

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A Flying Lawnmower

Fishing on South Holston
I went to the lake yesterday with my fishing buddies Doug and Ralph. We only caught 8 trout and brought 6 home. I was the lucky guy as I had the honors of biggest fish of the day. This fish is a Lake Trout and it weighed exactly 4 pounds. It was a beauty. I was smiling.

We fished in the rain almost all day. We were thankful for the Bimini top on the pontoon boat. It saved the day!


The Unbelievable Lawnmower
You can actually buy a kit to build this thing?



There's no limit to where mankind will go with his diverse abilities. But where's the focus?

(Note to my Dad: Dad, don't expect on of these flying lawnmowers as a gift on your 95th birthday on September 2 this year. Okay?)

~~~
Quote of the Day

Pleasure is the bait of sin.
~Plato

~~~
Joke of the Day

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What will it be?"

Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Oh me, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected as Senator, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."

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