Monday, July 21, 2008

The Perfect Marriage

Do you remember Red Skelton? If you don't you are a lot younger that I am. Red Skelton was a popular radio and TV comedian from 1937-1971. He died in 1997. Here is some of his humor...

  1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
  2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.
  3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.
  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
  5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
  7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
  8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
  10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.
  13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
Red Skelton played the role of Freddie the Freeloader. Here's a short video of him in this role.

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.


Quote of the Day
God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone,
but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars.
~Martin Luther

Joke of the Day
A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

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