Puny Phrases

You’ll Laugh
My friend Betty sent me a list of these puny phrases the  other day. I enjoyed them and thought I would share with you on my blog. I’ve heard a few of these before, but this is the best collection I’ve seen. Enjoy!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
   
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. A calendar's days are numbered.
10. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
    
11. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
12. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
13. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
14. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
15. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
    
16. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
17. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
18. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
19. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
20. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
    
21. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
22. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
23. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
24. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
25. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    
26. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
27. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
As you get older and look back in time,
what do you value the most?

For myself is is the fun time we had together with family and friends, it the funny things that happened that we laugh about today, …

It’s all about family and friends.

No person on their deathbed ever said,
“I wish I had spend more time in the office.”

~~~

Quote of the Day

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
~Daniel L. Reardon

~~~
Joke of the Day

A painter was hired to paint the exterior of a church.

His practice was to thin the paint so that he could make a larger profit.

As he was painting the church a torrential rain began to fall and it washed all of the paint off.

Then, as quickly as the rain began, it ended, and the sun came out.

As the painter gazed skyward, he heard a voice from above saying:
" Repaint ! Go, and thin no more."

~~~

EVER WONDER ...??

1. Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
   
2. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
   
3. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
   
4. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
   
5. Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
   
6. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
   
7. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
   
8. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
   
9. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of  progress?
   
10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    
    

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below