I’m Not Really Sure What That Means

Ambiguity
The following came from my next door neighbor, Ken. I thought I would share with you today. (I took the liberty to omit some of the items.)

For Those Who Love The Philosophy Of Ambiguity, As Well As The Idiosyncrasies Of English: The Philosophy of Ambiguity

• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self- help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
• How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
• Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

 

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
My wishes for you today are enough luck to make you feel good, enough trials to help you remain strong, a few tears to remain human, and enough hope to keep you happy.

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Quote of the Day

Between saying and doing many
a pair of shoes is worn out.
~Italian Proverb

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Joke of the Day

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"

The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

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