Thursday, September 20, 2007

Advice From An Old Farmer

Before I give you the farmer's advice, I am going to show you a hog. The hog in this picture is not just any hog. It is a hog that belonged to my mamaw and papaw (My Dad's mother and daddy). They lived in south Knoxville off of Chapman Highway. I found this picture in some old photographs taken many, many years ago. (I wonder why they took a picture of a hog?) Anyway they used to kill and dress their hog in the fall. They would make sausage and the whole works. I remember them telling about my Papaw when they were getting ready to kill the hog. It seems the hog was on the other side of the pen, and they needed to get it to the side where they could shoot it. They tell me that Papaw called out, " Come on over here, we're not goin' hurt you."

Farmer's Advice
I don't know where this came from, so I can't give credit. It it looks like some good advice for all of us. I like the tone of it. Read on...
  • Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong
  • Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance
  • Life is simpler when you plow around the stump
  • A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor
  • Words that soak into your ears are whispered - not yelled
  • Meanness don't jes' happen overnight
  • Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads
  • Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you
  • It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge
  • You cannot unsay a cruel word
  • Every path has a few puddles
  • When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty
  • The best sermons are lived, not preached
  • Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway
  • Don't judge folks by their relatives
  • Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer
  • Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time
  • Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none
  • Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'
  • Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got
  • The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'
  • Always drink upstream from the herd
  • Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment
  • Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around
  • Live simply - Love generously – Care deeply - Speak kindly – Leave the rest to God
Quote of the Day

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid
than to open it and remove all doubt.

~Mark Twain


Joke of the Day
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

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