Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Becoming Illegal

Are There Benefits?
Well you’ll love this letter a man wrote to his Senator requesting to become classified as an illegal alien.

Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224-3254

Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bona fide citizen of the USA )

Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It’s a crazy world we live in.
The things that were done in Washington used to make a little sense. Today, nothing they do makes any sense.

Quote of the Day
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.  Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. 
~Henry Ward Beecher

Joke of the Day

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas, leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I  don't dance... never really wanted to"

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off,
started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a
double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's
hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's rear end?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...
I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* Don't be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, Don't mess around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid...

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