Isn’t It Strange?

Yes, Indeed… It is Strange
I enjoyed the following that someone wrote. It seems to do a pretty good job of describing what we deal with in our human nature.

• Isn't it strange how a $20 bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?
  
• Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and seem so short when you're watching a good movie?
  
• Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying but... you have no trouble finding things to talk about with a friend?
  
• Isn't it strange how boring & hard it is to read 1 chapter of the Bible but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel?
  
• Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games but do whatever is possible to sit in the last row in Church?
  
• Isn't it strange how we need to know 2-3 weeks ahead about a Church event so we can fit it into our schedule, but we can adjust it at the last minute for other events ?
  
• Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God & share it with others but how easy it is to learn, extend & repeat gossip?
  
• Isn't it strange how we believe everything magazines & newspapers say but.... we question the words in the Bible?
  
• Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven... but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

In one of our hymns, we sing,

“Then let me choose as I would choose
When time and seasons are no more.”

And in another hymn we sing,

“Help me see things now as I'll one day see,
When my life ends and I go hence;”

May we develop a vision that we could see how to make the right choices today.

 

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Today is February 29. It’s an extra day that we get every four years. So we all have 24 extra hours this year that we have not had for the past 3 years.

Use time wisely.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Saying thank you is more than good manners. 
It is good spirituality.
~Alfred Painter

~~~
Joke of the Day

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in: Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Coastal Alabama, Coastal Mississippi, Coastal Texas, North Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas.

And our Dipsticks are located in Washington DC

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Music Memory Lane

A Neat Link to Enjoy
You’ve got to check out this link for those old songs from yesteryear. It’s like driving down memory lane with the tunes of days gone by…

http://upchucky.org/

 

High School Days
I clicked on music from the 1950’s and it drove me back to my high school days in Knoxville, Tennessee. Looking back is sort of sad and sort of fun at the same time. But all in all it was a wonderful part of my life. And this year we have a class reunion. It will be our 55th Anniversary of graduation in 2012. I’m looking forward to seeing my classmates again later this year. 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I saw this quote by Robert Brault recently,

“I find in old age that it's possible to revisit the past, the one requirement being that you come as you are.”
So I’ll be going to my HS reunion as I am:
older, wiser, and wider.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin
but into a drawer where you are likely to
rummage some bright morning.
~Robert Brault

~~~
Joke of the Day

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," the boy said.

"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"

"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Eye Test

A Test for ALZHEIMERS?
I received an email a few days ago about how counting F’s in a certain sentence could test for Alzheimer's disease. Here’s the sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now go ahead and count every "F" in the above sentence.

How many did you find?

You might be surprised that there are six F’s in that sentence. If you did not find all six F’s, that does not mean you have Alzheimer’s.

This same sentence has been around for 40-50 years to demonstrate the fallacy of 100% inspection. When I was teaching Quality Control courses we often used this identical sentence to show that 100% inspection would not catch all the defectives (The F’s). The results often surprised people.

Most of the people I worked with in classes would also miss some of the F’s. Once I remember one fellow in my class that said he found 7 F’s. When I questioned him, he replied, “Well I counted 6 F’s but figured I might have missed one so I said I found 7 F’s.” I thought that was funny and a little weird!

(100% Inspection is a poor means to insure quality. Product quality most be built into the product, not inspected into the product.)

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Live each day in gratitude.
Smile and be kind.
When given the opportunity,
try to be a little help to someone.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Preconceived notions are the locks
on the door to wisdom.
~Merry Browne

~~~
Joke of the Day

An obviously distraught student entered the school's IT office complaining that his email wasn't working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned emails.

He showed the tech the email address he was attempting to reach. The tech asked him where he obtained such an unusual email address.

The student replied, "The sign advertising the concert said, 'begins@7:30PM'."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Shucking Corn

Corn on the Cob
It’s delicious. Freshly cooked and buttered up is a wonderful dish. A lot of people do not like to deal with shucking of corn which means getting rid of the silks. It’s no fun to eat corn that still has the silks.

Learn a new way to fix corn on the cob. This is a great method for fixing your corn. I’m looking forward to trying it this coming summer. You gotta watch Ken demonstrate!

Yum Yum!
Who said you can’t learn some new tricks
as you get older!

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I wonder if the State Farm Insurance Company will make Bud Gregg take down his sign?

~~~

Quote of the Day

Humility is to make a right estimate of one's self.
~Charles Haddon Spurgeon

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.

A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too!”

(And all on $$$ from over-priced oil.)

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Budget Cuts

Do You Have A Budget?
Most of us mortals find it necessary to have a budget so that we can control our spending. That way we know what we can afford to purchase, and what we cannot afford. If we don’t use a practical budget, one may find themselves hopelessly in debt.

It is critical that local, state, and national governments have a budgets and apply it to their spending. Otherwise they may end up with serious overspending and find it necessary to make budget cuts.

It’s entertaining to listen to Chuck Woolery talk about budget cuts. You’ll learn much about foolish spending when you hear about the things that could easily be cut out of the USA National Budget. I think you’ll enjoy this very much.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I been concerned about our National Debt for several years. Several years ago we were in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park driving through beautiful Cades Cove. I looked over to my wife, Beverly, and asked, “I wonder what the Chinese will do with this land when they take it over?”

.

Click below to see the US Debt Clock:

http://www.usdebtclock.org/

~~~

Quote of the Day

I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet.
~Tom Tolbert

~~~
Joke of the Day

Two brothers John and Mike went fishing, every time John threw his hook he caught a fish but Mike was very unlucky. By the end of the day John had caught more than twenty fish but Mike had caught nothing.

Next day Mike woke up very early in the morning, dressed in John's clothes and carried John's hook. He went to the river and sat where John was seating yesterday. He threw the hook and waited.

Darkness cleared and the sun rose, after about 4 hours of his waiting a fish popped out and asked him "where is John?"

 

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I Learned Something

Making Light from Plastic Bottles
I was enlightened, when I saw the following video. No pun intended. It is amazing what can be done these days. People are very innovative, and I do believe that “necessity is the mother of invention.”

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Don’t ever quit trying.
Here’s something for inspiration:

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career.
I've lost almost 300 games.
26 times, I've been trusted to take
the game winning shot and missed.
I've failed over and over and over
again in my life.
And that is why I succeed.”
~ Michael Jordan

~~~

Quote of the Day
For me there is no greater subject than history. 
How a man can study it and not be forced to
become a philosopher, I cannot tell. 
~George E. Wilson

~~~
Joke of the Day

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained."I'm looking for the seal."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Against Socialism

Yes, I Am Against Socialism!
Here’s a quote by a great leader:

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure,
the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy,
its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.."
-- Winston Churchill

I received the following from a good friend. I did not write these words, but I agree with them:

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read. Unfortunately, most voters don't know this.

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them; and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I believe that we are getting very close to Number 5 in the list above. We may already be there. It should wake people up to what is happening in the USA!

~~~

Quote of the Day

You must welcome change as the rule
but not as your ruler.
~Denis Waitley

~~~
Joke of the Day

A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the clerk.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”

 

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Today is President’s Day

The Forgotten Man
I have shown this video before, but today is a good day for us to watch it again. It reminds of the vast responsibilities of our President.

We hope that all that was accomplished to form our great country has not been in vain. These are days we need to fight to keep our freedom guaranteed by the Constitution.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I like what Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” That’s good advice for all of us.

~~~

Quote of the Day
I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.
~George Washington

~~~
Joke of the Day

A grandmother was eating lunch on the 19th of February with her 6-year-old granddaughter and she asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid. So, she asked "What does President's Day mean?"

Grandmother was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

The granddaughter replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

Grandmother said, “You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose....”

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Some Stuff for the Weekend

Some Things You Might Want to Check Out

1. Every Day is a Gift – A beautiful video and photography
   
2. The Truth About Government Health Care – Shows the key points of Health Care Bill H.R. 3200

Number 1 above is very beautiful, but number 2 is extremely ugly.

Monopoly – The Game’s Interesting History
The following came from a friend:

Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape.

Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.

Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.

At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.

By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.

Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were located ). When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.

As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at
Waddington's also managed to add:

1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass.
2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together.
3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!

British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.

Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets.. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.

The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.

It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card! I realize some of you are (probably) too young to have any personal connection to WWII (Dec. '41 to Aug. '45), but this is still interesting.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says: 
If we don’t learn from history and the mistakes of the past, they could be repeated. This true for us as individuals, but also for mankind itself.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Two kinds of gratitude: 
The sudden kind we feel for what we take;
the larger kind we feel for what we give. 
~Edwin Arlington Robinson

~~~
Joke of the Day

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Gorilla Encounter

It’s Worth a Look
The following video shows an amazing chance encounter with a troop of wild mountain gorillas near Bwindi National Park, Uganda.

I’m guessing that if they had reacted in a fearful way, that the encounter with the gorillas could have been very dangerous.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Life has ups and downs.
When things are going good, they’re never as good as you think they are. And when things are bad, things are not as bad as you think they are.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash.

The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch.

"How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

2011 Income Taxes

Due April 15
Yes, income taxes are due in 2 months. Did you know that the government is giving you 3 extra days to pay your taxes from last year. Yes, how nice of them.

1. You get one extra day because April 15, 2011 falls on Sunday.
   
2. You get a second extra day because Monday, April 16 is a legal holiday in Washington D.C. It is Emancipation Day.
   
3. So your taxes are Due on Tuesday, April 17. Where is the 3rd day? This year is leap year, so February 29th is your 3rd extra day.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

I saw an article the other day about a European model who had a 20 inch waist. I found a picture…

A 20” waist… do you like it?

~~~

Quote of the Day

The kindest word in all the world is
the unkind word, unsaid.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.”

Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!”

The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”

Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”

And… the above joke reminded me of this joke:

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'

HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Day of the Hearts

It’s Valentine’s Day
A day loved my women and feared by big strong men. What is the right thing for a man to do for his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?

Don’t ask me. I’ve been married for over 50 years and still don’t know the best thing to do on Valentine’s Day.

In any event, my best advice would be to especially attentive and spend some special time with your loved one. Take the time to tell them you love them and why you love them.

Note to Beverly
I love you. You are the best thing that every happened to me. My life would be nothing without you.
Be My Valentine!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
How true is the following;
Without love,
the rich and poor live in the same house.

~~~

Quote of the Day

You can be sincere and still be stupid.
~Charles F. Kettering

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben

"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.

"What you going to do with him?" asked Ben.

"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.

"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.

"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Car Museum

One That Celebrates America’s Love Affair
This car museum is supposed to be the largest in the world, and it contains only American cars. The cars themselves shows the history of the automobile in America, and the love Americans have for cars. It’s located in Tacoma, Washington. Too far away for me to visit anytime soon.

I have to admit that I like cars. There are some of the cars I have owned in the past that I would like to have now… why did I ever get rid of them? Hindsight is good but not very useful.

• 1934 Ford Pickup Truck
• 1950 2-door Sedan Ford
• 1950 Ford Pickup Truck F150
• 1957 Chevy Bel Air Convertible

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

Do you know what today is. Well it’s the 13th of the month, and it could be your unlucky day if you don’t do something to prepare for tomorrow. Tomorrow is February 14—Valentine’s Day

~~~

Quote of the Day

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
~Mother Teresa

~~~
Joke of the Day

A married couple, both avid golfers, was discussing the future one night. "Honey", the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?"

"I suppose so - it's paid for."

"How about our car? Continued the woman. "Would the two of you keep that?

"I suppose so - it's paid for."

"What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too?

"Heck, no," the husband blurted out. "She is left-handed."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Air Forces

Air Power Around the World
Here’s a very interesting video that was made in Israel about the air forces of the world. You might be surprised about what countries are in the top 10, and those that are not.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It’s Friday and I hope you are ready for the weekend!
Now don’t forget that Valentine’s Day is next week.
Be sure to have a little something for the one you love on Valentine’s Day.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Truth is not determined by majority vote.
~Doug Gwyn

~~~
Joke of the Day

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"

~~~Your bonus joke for this Friday~~~

There was a man who always seemed to lean slightly to the left. His friend suggested he see a doctor and have his legs checked. For years he refused, saying his friend was crazy, but finally he gave in.

Sure enough, the doctor discovered that his left leg was shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery made both legs the same length, and the man finally stood straight.

"So," the man's friend said, "You didn't believe me when I told you that you leaned."

The man replied, "Nope, but I stand corrected."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

DEATH

How To Explain It
I received the following the other day and I thought it was a wonderful way to explain death. It’s good, I hope you enjoy…

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, 'Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side.'

Very quietly, the doctor said, 'I don't know.'

'You don't know? You're a Christian man, and don't know what's on the other side?'

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, 'Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing... I know my Master is there and that is enough.'

 

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
When a friend dies, some of you dies.
When someone you love dies, more of you dies.
Be glad for memories that live.

~~~

Quote of the Day

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. 
~P.J. O'Rourke

~~~
Joke of the Day

Perks of reaching 60

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Remember if you are over 60 to never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Have A Good Mind?

Brain Study
My good friend Mark sent me the following the other day. I have seen something similar, but using all letters, where they are all out of order but the first and last letter. But the following was done with numbers.

They say if you can read this you have a strong mind. Give it a try!

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.

HOW 4BOU7 7H47! It took me a few seconds to get going, then I could read it just fine. I’m sure you did too. The human brain is amazing!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Be Thankful, and Smile.

~~~

Quote of the Day

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.
~Sidney Howard

~~~
Joke of the Day

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS & TYPOS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

---------------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and
don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for
the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

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Becoming Illegal

Are There Benefits?
Well you’ll love this letter a man wrote to his Senator requesting to become classified as an illegal alien.

Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his
senator:

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224-3254
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bona fide citizen of the USA )

Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It’s a crazy world we live in.
The things that were done in Washington used to make a little sense. Today, nothing they do makes any sense.

~~~

Quote of the Day
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.  Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. 
~Henry Ward Beecher

~~~
Joke of the Day

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas, leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I  don't dance... never really wanted to"

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off,
started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a
double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's
hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's rear end?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...
I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:
* Don't be arrogant.
* Don't waste ammunition.
* Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
* Always make sure you know who is in control.
* And finally, Don't mess around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid...

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Predictions for 2012

Earlier This Year
I went out on a limb earlier this year and predicted that Obama would be re-elected as President of the U.S. A few days ago I received an email that supports my prediction. Read for yourself:

WHY OBAMA WILL BE RE-ELECTED IN 2012

Dr. Williams' prediction: Maybe you have read some newspaper articles written by Dr. Williams a conservative economist who happens to be Black. He has taught at several Universities and is currently teaching at George Mason University.

No Matter What By Dr. Walter Williams

Can President Obama be defeated in 2012? No. He can't.. I am going on record as saying that President Barak Obama will win a second term.

The media won't tell you this because a good election campaign means hundreds of millions (or in Obama's case billions) of dollars to them in advertising.

But the truth is, there simply are no conditions under which Barak Obama can be defeated in 2012.

The quality of the Republican candidate doesn't matter. Obama gets reelected.

Nine percent unemployment? No problem. Obama will win.

Gas prices moving toward five dollars a gallon? He still wins.

The economy soars or goes into the gutter. Obama wins.

War in the Middle East ? He wins a second term.

America's role as the leading Superpower disappears? Hurrah for Barak Obama!

The U.S. Government rushes toward bankruptcy, the dollar continues to sink on world markets and the price of daily goods and services soars due to inflation fueled by Obama's extraordinary deficit spending? Obama wins handily.

You are crazy Williams. Don't you understand how volatile politics can be when overall economic, government, and world conditions are declining? Sure I do. And that's why I know Obama will win.

The American people are notoriously ignorant of economics. And economics is the key to why Obama should be defeated.

Even when Obama's policies lead the nation to final ruin, the majority of the American people are going to believe the bait-and-switch tactics Obama and his supporters in the media will use to explain why it isn't his fault. After all, things were much worse than understood when he took office.

Obama's reelection is really a very, very simple math problem. Consider the following:

1) Blacks will vote for Obama blindly. Period. Doesn't matter what he does. It's a race thing. He's one of us,

2) College educated women will vote for Obama. Though they will be offended by this, they swoon at his oratory. It's really not more complex than that,

3) Liberals will vote for Obama. He is their great hope,

4) Democrats will vote for Obama. He is the leader of their party and his coat tails will carry them to victory nationwide,

5) Hispanics will vote for Obama. He is the path to citizenship for those who are illegal and Hispanic leaders recognize the political clout they carry in the Democratic Party,

6) Union members will vote overwhelmingly for Obama. He is their key to money and power in business, state and local politics,

7) Big Business will support Obama. They already have. He has almost $1 Billion dollars in his reelection purse gained largely from his connections with Big Business and is gaining more every day. Big Business loves Obama because he gives them access to taxpayer money so long as they support his social and political agenda,

8) The media love him. They may attack the people who work for him, but they love him. After all, to not love him would be racist,

9) Most other minorities and special interest groups will vote for him. Oddly, the overwhelming majority of Jews and Muslims will support him because they won't vote Republican. American Indians will support him. Obviously homosexuals tend to vote Democratic. And lastly,

10) Approximately half of independents will vote for Obama. And he doesn't need anywhere near that number because he has all of the groups previously mentioned. The President will win an overwhelming victory in 2012.

-- Dr. Walter Williams

IN ADDITION TO THE VOTING BLOCKS HE MENTIONS, THERE IS ANOTHER HUGE GROUP: THE NEARLY ONE-HALF OF ALL ADULTS DO NOT PAY ANY TAXES AND, IN FACT, MOST OF THEM RECEIVE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT. THESE PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO "SHAKE THE BOAT" TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP THE FLOW OF TAXPAYER MONEY TO THEMSELVES

It's believed the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegal's - and they vote - then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I love the USA. I hope it survives.
I wish more young people knew what is at stake.
I have fears, but I trust in God.

~~~

Quote of the Day

You have freedom when you're easy in your harness. 
~Robert Frost

~~~
Joke of the Day

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

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