Come Backs

Some Good Ones
A good friend sent me these two “come backs”… have ever had a good “come back”?

One
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, ... I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Two
In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function ..... OUR job is just to arrange the meeting."

A Good Thing To Do In 2012
When you forward email, please remove all email addresses, and use BCC. I understand that this will help stop spammers and viruses.

Kara’s Birthday Tomorrow!
My granddaughter, Kara, has a birthday tomorrow. She’s growing up fast. She’ll be fourteen years old! My other granddaughter, Mandy, is 28, so Kara is 1/2 of Mandy’s age. Grandmother pointed that out.

Kara, we wish you a very
Happy Birthday!!!
Here’s picture of her taken on Christmas day.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Good advice for 2012:
Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck
And pay off your credit cards every month.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Be always at war with your vices,
at peace with your neighbors,
and let each new year find you a better man. 
~Benjamin Franklin

 

~~~
Joke of the Day

A New Year Resolution, through the Years 

2005: I will get my weight down below 180.
2006: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2007: I will follow my new diet until I get below 200.
2008: I will develop a good attitude about my weight.
2009: I will work out 5 days a week.
2010: I will work out 3 days a week.
2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

The Buzzard, the Bat and the Bumblebee

And People

I received the follow a few days ago, and I have not confirmed that what it says about buzzard, bat and bumblebee is true… but there is a good lesson for us as individuals…

THE BUZZARD:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is That a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a Run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, It will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

THE BAT:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a
remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

THE BUMBLEBEE:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom.. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself..

PEOPLE:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the Answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem!
Just look up.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Since 2012 is an election year, I have some good advice:
You don't have to win every argument.
Agree to disagree.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

~~~
Joke of the Day

New Year Resolutions that you could keep,
but please don’t!

10. Read less.
9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
7. Watch more TV.
6. Procrastinate more.
5. Drink. Drink some more.
4. Start being superstitious.
3. Spend more time at work.
2. Stop bringing lunch from home and Eat out more.
1. Take up a new bad habit.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Fishing Rod Storage

Out of PVC Pipe
Back a couple of years ago I made a fishing rod storage holder out of PVC pipe. Here’s a picture. I posted this picture on a web site devoted to PVC pipe projects:

http://www.pvcplans.com/pvc-pipe.htm.

You might want to check out that web site for ideas for projects using PVC pipe. It’s amazing the things you can make.

Well over the past couple of years I’ve nearly 100 requests for plans on how to make the rod rack that I designed. I did write up something so that I could give people some ideas.

Since then I’ve come up with more ideas to make the storage racks more useful. One person took my ideas and made the rod rack shown in the picture to the left.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
As the new year approaches, it’s good time to plan projects and think of better ways to organize.

~~~

Quote of the Day

We will open the book.  Its pages are blank. 
We are going to put words on them ourselves. 
The book is called Opportunity
and its first chapter is
New Year's Day.
~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

~~~
Joke of the Day

New Year's Day Prayer for Everyone

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that.  But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Protests

Wall Street Protesters
They were in the news big time a few weeks ago. Now things seem to have calmed down. I copied the following article a few weeks ago and never go around to posting it. It was written by David Moon, an investment manager in Knoxville, TN. I think you might enjoy it.

Wall Street protesters should blame democracy

After dinner two Fridays ago, one of the Knoxville variants of the Occupy Wall Street protesters explained to my family and me that capitalism caused the eco­nomic collapse in 2008 and its continuing malaise. He was wrong. It was not a failure of capitalism. It was a failure of democracy.

Our current problems began in a mortgage mar­ket run amok, at both the individual and institutional level. Fannie Mae and Fred­die Mac were created by elected officials to pursue certain social goals. Con­gress subsidized mortgage rates with the stated pur­pose of encouraging home­ownership.

The unintended con­sequence was that peo­ple bought homes who shouldn’t have. Others bought much more house than they should have.That wasn’t a result of capitalism. It happened because Congress was at­tempting to bribe voters with their own money. The federal government nationalizing General Mo­tors wasn’t capitalism, nor was the suspension of bank­ruptcy liquidation prefer­ences. It was a way to curry favor with certain groups who were socially favored by Washington decision­ makers.

Bailing out AIG was, among other things, a way to curry favor with Gold­man Sachs, one of AIG’s largest creditors.

Allowing Lehman to fail likely also pleased the folks at Goldman Sachs. Yet the same government that al­lowed Lehman to fail also provided more than $182 billion to AIG, almost $13 billion of which ultimately ended up in Goldman’s cof­fers as a result of credit de­fault swap obligations.

Hank Paulson, a treasury secretary under former President George W. Bush, was CEO at Goldman before his stint in public service. Investment banks pack­aged and resold Fannie Mae-guaranteed mort­gages, pretending that put­ting a bunch of risky assets together would magically make the risk disappear. It doesn’t. As Charlie Munger says, when you mix raisins and turds, you get turds.

Capitalism, however, honors the rights of private ownership of property, in­cluding the right to waste or lose it. Capitalism would have allowed all of them to fail. Goldman, Lehman, AIG and General Motors. And the folks underwater on their mortgages. Neither JP Morgan nor Ford needed government bailouts. It is not free mar­ket capitalism when the tax­payers subsidize Ford’s and JP Morgan’s competitors.

Nor is it capitalism when debt-free homeowners or those who pay their mort­gages subsidize those who can’t or won’t. Joseph Stiglitz is a Nobel laureate economist who was invited to speak to the Occupy Wall Street protest­ers in New York City. The nuance of his comments was probably lost on the group, as they appeared more interested in prepar­ing for the next Bonnaroo than understanding an eco­nomic system they claimed to protest. Stiglitz explicitly noted that their problem was not capitalism, saying, “It is not capitalism when you so­cialize losses and privatize gains.”

Even Stiglitz, a guy sup­porting the protesters, ac­knowledges that capital­ism would not have allowed businesses and individuals to “share” their losses and poor decisions with society. As long as the protesters look externally for a solu­tion to their economic ills, they will remain impotent. Once a man blames oth­ers for his problems, he has given away the ability to change his condition.

David Moon is president of Moon Capital Management, a Knoxville­based investment management firm. He may be contacted at http://www.davidmoon.com.

DAVID MOON

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I don’t want to get too serious this week, but we must remember that life is serious. A new year is about to dawn. We all hope it will be better than the last year. The best thing we can do is to pray more earnestly in the coming year.
.

Someone said that our prayers to God
should always contain 3 things,
1)Thanksgiving, 2) I’m Sorry, and 3) Please Help me

~~~

Quote of the Day
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the
New Year and Christmas.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.  But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.  This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

(Don’t Drink and Drive,
but it might be better just to not drink.)

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

A Big Surprise!

On Christmas Eve
Granddaddy and Grandmother was very much surprised by a special gift from Kevin, Lesley, Kara and Zachary. They handed us the gift bag, and it was kind of heavy. There was a box in the bag, that held something I least expected. It was an iPad 2!

Here we are holding our new gift.

We’ll be experimenting and learning how to effectively utilize this amazing tablet. It’s impressive for sure! Thanks so much to Kevin and family!

Christmas 2011
It’s gone, and in the history books. I do hope you had a nice Christmas with family and friends. The most important gift you received is the memories from your time of being together.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It’s getting close to the end of another year.
It’s a good time to be thinking about your 
resolutions for the new year.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning
but a going on, with all the wisdom
that experience can instill in us.
~Hal Borland

~~~
Joke of the Day

We’ve all talked to this guy… now at last a picture of him!

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

It’s Christmas Day 2011

What Should You Do Today?
It’s much better to give than receive. I hope you were a giver. Now today you can continue to give…

• Give your time to your family
• Call or visit your family & friends and let them know you love them.
• Help your children or grandchildren with their new gifts, or let them teach you how to use them.
• Take a deep breath, count your blessings and be thankful.
• Pray a prayer that includes asking forgiveness, asking for help, and show your gratitude. (I’m sorry, Help me, Thank you

~~~

Quote of the Day

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day.
Don't clean it up too quickly. 
~Andy Rooney

~~~
Joke of the Day

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Christmas Eve

I’m Wishing You a Very Merry Christmas

If you’re quiet and watch carefully you might see Santa and his reindeer tonight.

Click the link below to track Santa’s progress as he travels around the world tonight. This is compliments of NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command).

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/

 

It’s a Good Time to Count Your Blessings
Watch the following…

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Enjoy the holidays. Don’t be a Scrooge!

~~~

Quote of the Day
May Peace be your gift at Christmas
and your blessing all year through!
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A parent's night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

A Christmas Story

About Neighbors
There was a man and his wife who had a tree planted in their yard. It was a young dogwood tree, and a gift from family members. They watered it diligently, but after much care it died 2 years later. The man of the house was planning to replace the tree, but had not gotten around to doing it.

Then one warm December day in 2011, the phone rang. It was the neighbors next door. He explained that he had noticed that the tree had died, and he had bought a new tree so that he could replace it. He called to make sure we didn’t mind, and he was going to plant it himself. He said he wanted it to be a Christmas present.

Now that couple with the dead dogwood tree is Grandmother and me. And the kind neighbors who have already replaced the tree are Kenneth and Helen. Now that’s what I call being good neighbors.

Kenneth & Helen have been our neighbors for about 45 years. It has been 35 years in this neighborhood and 10 years in another neighborhood. If there was a Neighbor of the Year Award, they should get it! That’s one of the kindest and nicest things anyone has ever done for us.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Good Advice that I Need to Follow:
Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

~~~

Quote of the Day

It is Christmas in the heart
that puts Christmas in the air.
~W.T. Ellis

~~~
Joke of the Day

The following is copyrighted (c) Harvey Ehrlich 1992.

Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

The above poem is copyright (c) Harvey Ehrlich 1992.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Need A Good Laugh?

You Must Watch This!
It’s a guy teasing his dog and you will get a good chuckle out of it. It’s short, and funny!

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It’s getting close to the big day that the kids look forward to so much. I hope you’ve got some things to give the kiddies in your life so they will he happy on Christmas morning. But more than anything else, give them your time, your love and your care. They are so precious!

Video about the White House Christmas CD Set
Watch for a good laugh or two. It a funny spoof of some advertising. Funny? Well, I hope it funny to you. I enjoyed it immensely. (Thanks, Mark!)

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic
ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
~Peg Bracken

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.

"No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said."

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"

To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

(Don’t you just hate me sometimes? Ha!)

 

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

The Paper Folding Art—Oragami

Won Park is the Master
Won creates some amazing pieces. I have been most impressed with what he can do with a one dollar bill. Just imagine leaving a $1.00 tip in a diner, and the server comes to your table and finds this…

You can see more of his art work at the following link, and learn more about Won Park, the master of oragami. created some amazing dollar origami pieces. 

http://tottglobal.com/won-park-origami-master-that-lives-in-a-garbage-truck/

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Believe in miracles.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Our hearts grow tender with childhood
memories and love of kindred, and we are
better throughout the year for having, in spirit,
become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

~~~
Joke of the Day

Short Reindeer Jokes

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
This one will sleigh you !

Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs !

How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !

How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !

Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
The smallest ones !

Where do you find reindeer ?
It depends on where you leave them !

What do reindeer have that no other animals have ?
Baby reindeer !

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

WolframAlpha

A Computational Knowledge Engine
My son, Kevin, sent me the following link. You might want to check it out. You just enter something that you would like to know more about or something you want to calculate. It provides you with some interesting, and sometime surprising information. Here’s the link:

http://www.wolframalpha.com/

When I entered my name, “James”… I was surprised. It told me that my name was the 19th most popular, that 1 in 148 people are named “James.” It also gave a chart showing the name’s popularity going back into the 1800s. It seems the name, “James” has been quite popular in the US, reaching a peak in the early 1940s, and now tapering off pretty sharply since that time.

Try it with your own first name, and prepare to learn something. Then you might want to experiment with some other topics.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Something to think about:
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
~Norman Vincent Peale

~~~
Joke of the Day

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered Celia.

The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, she left. At a "Seven-Eleven" on the edge of town, Celia asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!"

Celia assured her that she did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in Celia’s face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

An Amazing Show by WVA Marching Band

A Tribute to the USA Armed Forces
I was impressed by the YouTube video showing the West Virginia University Marching Band present their “Armed Forces Salute.”

‘Twas the Week Before Christmas
And everyone is stirring around like crazy. The malls are packed, and the shopping centers are full. Parking places are hard to spot and even harder to get. The roads and highways are filled to capacity with autos of all types.

Yes, this is the week before Christmas. Saturday will mark Christmas Eve, and Sunday is the day little boys and girls await with much excitement and anxiety.

I have to admit I like this time of the year, and the sounds, smells, tastes and sights of the Christmas Season. But we must remember that what we have around us is a big commercialized holiday.

Our thanks and appreciation for the precious gift of Christ to the world should occur each and every day with us as individuals.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I’m looking for your Christmas gift…
What size socks to you wear?
I know where there’s a good buy on irregulars.

~~~

Quote of the Day

"if you want peace, prepare for war"
~ From "Epitoma Rei Militaris," by Vegetius

~~~
Joke of the Day

Short Snow Jokes

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !

And…

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Words & Expressions You Don’t Hear Anymore

In Days Gone By
A good friend sent me the following. I laughed because I was family with all of these old saying and expressions. They are gone these days.

• Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company.
• Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today .
• Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
• Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.
• Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
• Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.
• Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
• You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
  Don't you go outside with your school clothes on!
• Go comb your hair, it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
• Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.
• Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.
• Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.
• Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!
• Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
• You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
• There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
• Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.
• You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.
• If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
• Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after a while.
• Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
• Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
• Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.
• Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there.
• Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
• No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
• Eat those turnips, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.
• That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.
• Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
• Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
• It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.
• If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.
• Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
• Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.
• When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn.
  Left arm straight out the window for a left turn;
  left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn;
  and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.
• It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!
• Y'all come back now, ya hear.

A Good Day 
I had a good birthday yesterday, and I get to continue celebrating today. Tonight We’re going to a birthday supper at Red Lobster with Kevin and his family.

Yesterday we cut the cake and it was delicious. The picture shows 73 year old granddaddy with the cake. I ate a good size piece, but there’s plenty left for Kevin, Lesley, Kara and Zachary, and anybody else that might drop by today.

I appreciate the phone calls, cards, and emails from family and friends. Thanks so much!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I regret some of you are young and don’t remember these above expressions and the memories they bring.
Going to high school in the 1950s was great fun and gave us “oldsters” a wonderful perspective of life.

 

~~~

Quote of the Day

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: 
the presence of a happy family
all wrapped up in each other.
~Burton Hillis

~~~
Joke of the Day

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” The father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar.” He says.

“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”

“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”

“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancé.

The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?” The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”

 

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Guess What?

I’m Taking the Day Off Today
It’s because of a birthday.Today is my Mother’s Birthday. We would be celebrating it if she were still alive. Now we just have memories of her love, kindness and joy. She has been missed. Mom was born in 1913, and exactly 25 years later in 1938, she gave birth to a son. You may know that was me.

Every year as I celebrate my birthday on December 15, I always think of my Mom. I have missed her, but my thoughts of her are with love.

The picture below shows my Mom and Dad. I’m guessing that it was taken in the 1950s.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. 

And, I recently had a little medical issue, and I asked the doctor what caused it. He said birthdays was the cause. I think I’ll be hearing that more often.

~~~

Quote of the Day

It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

 

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Artistic Photography

By My Granddaughter
If you like unusual and interesting photography combined with a touch of graphic arts check out Kara’s web page that shows some of her work. She’s a 8th grader and has an excellent eye or for developing great graphics. Here a thumb nail of just 15 of her pictures.

Click here to go to her web page:
kaybecaroo’s photos.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I heard it said that 99% of the lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

~~~

Quote of the Day

In memory's telephoto lens, far objects are magnified.
~John Updike

~~~
Joke of the Day

'The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" they stiffened and hesitated.

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."'

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Seniors

I received this a few days about seniors. I thought it was worth sharing.

Who We Are - - Seniors
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country. Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

YES, Tennessee Granddaddy is a Senior Citizen!

I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps..... With a hammer. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Spread the laughter Share the cheer Let's be happy while we're here.

And, MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA AND MAY AMERICA BLESS GOD!! Go Green - Recycle CONGRESS!!

Watch Out Today
Friday the thirteenth came on Tuesday this month so be very careful out there.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Your Birthday in the Bible
Look up your birth date and see what Bible verse corresponds to it. ...Look up your verse now! Did you know that the Bible has a special verse for everyone's birthday?
http://www.birthverse.com/mybirthverse.cfm

 

~~~

Quote of the Day

If you tell the truth
you don't have to remember anything.
~Mark Twain

~~~
Joke of the Day

Here’s a senior citizen that celebrated his birthday this year by buying an all terrain 4 wheeler. This is a picture of him playing with it in the back yard.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below