Summary of Life

A Pretty Good Synopsis
A good friend sent me the following the other day. If you have seen it, just forgive me and move along. If you have not, I think you might enjoy and get a little chuckle.

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT
LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

      GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
   

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD   

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
   
                   THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE              
   
   1) You believe in Santa Claus.
   2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
   3) You are Santa Claus.
   4) You look like Santa Claus.

    MEASURING SUCCESS   

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . .  Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

CANDY MAKING POSTPONED UNTIL THURSDAY 
Due to the snow the candy making was cancelled. it is reschedule for Thursday!

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
As you age, well, you mature. You see things in a different way. You began to see what’s really important, and what is so trivial.

So what’s trivial? Stuff.
What’s really important? God, Family & Friends.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.
~Napoleon Bonaparte

~~~
Joke of the Day

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch.. Just as they  began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.

"Have you eaten your banana yet," Ole asked excitedly?

"No," replied Lars.

"Well, don't touch it then," Ole exclaimed.  "I just took one bite and went blind!"

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Busy Week Coming Up

Monday – Sharon and Beverly were planning to start making Christmas Candy--those delicious peanut butter balls. But, there was a snow last night and I expect their plans may be in jeopardy.We’ll have to see what develops.

Here’s the recipe in case you get the urge to start candy making yourself.

I also have a rehab session with my therapist to stretch out my new knee. I wonder if the snow will keep her away.

Tuesday
I have a doctor’s appointment to get those 29 staples removed from my knee.

We also have a dinner in the evening with the friends we worked with when we were living in Mexico.

Wednesday
Three things today: Knee Therapy Session, Our Wednesday night Bible Study Meeting, and someone’s having a birthday. Yep, some old man is having a birthday and he’ll be 72 years old.

Thursday and on…
More home health care therapy, a little Christmas shopping, Zachary has a basketball game, etc. All I know is that we’ll be busy

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
We had a little bit of snow come our way yesterday. It certainly is nice to sit inside a warm house with a fire and watch the snow flakes float to the ground.

There’s something so peaceful in watching it snow. And on the other hand, there’s nothing so nerve racking as trying to drive in a wet slippery snow.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds
on the heel that has crushed it.
~Mark Twain

~~~
Joke of the Day

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It had been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,  "I've had enough of this".  She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed  and her husband says "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put their dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it!

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The Weekend Has Arrived

A Good Week of Rehab
It has been a good week of rehab. I continue to make progress with routine use of the leg machine and physical exercises. While some of the exercises are very painful, I can tell they are working. On Thursday I went to Lowes and to Sam’s Club.  That’s making progress. I took it easy yesterday… I don’t want to overdo.

Snow Storm?
I had an alert earlier today for a winter storm watch for this weekend. Last time I looked there’s an 80% probability for snow on Sunday. Bring it on!!!

A Nice Video Story
If you like animals and you like the ocean, you will enjoy this video.

 

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says: 
There are times when everyone around you says,
"Give up," but listen to Hope, it whispers,
"Try it one more time."

~~~

Quote of the Day

A Short History of Medicine

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, 
                  drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial.
                   Here, eat this root."

~Author Unknown

 

 

~~~
Joke of the Day

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a Thermos.... It keeps hot things hot, and  cold things cold.'

'Wow,' said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the Thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied......'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

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More Chicken Foolishness

Why did the chicken cross the road?

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

How About Some Fun with the Chicken?
For all the kid that is still in us, you might enjoy playing a little game… And if you don’t enjoy it I know your children and/or grandchildren will. It reminds me of the old “Frogger” video game. Just click on the picture above to open the web page and play the game.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
When my daughter was home for Thanksgiving I notices she was reading Steven Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Managers. I remember the book well from my days of working in industry.

As I reviewed the following list of habits It caused me to realize these can be good habits to develop even in a productive life of retirement!

• Habit 1: Be Proactive

• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

• Habit 3: Put First Things First

• Habit 4: Think Win-Win

• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood

• Habit 6: Synergize

• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

~~~

Quote of the Day

Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? 
~Kin Hubbard

~~~
Joke of the Day

This man says to his friend,” I stopped driving 10 years ago.

Now my wife drives and I just sit there and hold the wheel."

~~~~~ And One More

A preacher was walking down the street when he notices a little boy trying to ring the doorbell but it's just out of his reach.

He watches his efforts for some time and walks over to press the the bell. After he pressed it he leveled down to the boy and asked'

"Now what?" to which the boy turned and shouted, "NOW WE RUN!!"

 

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The Chicken That Crossed the Road

Why?
The answer that I always liked for the age old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” was to prove to the possum that it could be done safely.

However, I recently received an email with other reasons depending on who you are.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

And I have more answers to this issue.
Maybe tomorrow?

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I’ve heard that the most important aspect to enjoying life is to be positive. And it sure make life more enjoyable to those around us.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Cell phones are the latest invention in rudeness.
~Terri Guillemets

~~~
Joke of the Day

One night a husband and his wife were sleeping and suddenly the wife woke up.

"Dear there’s a burglar eating the cake downstairs!” said the wife.

"So should I call the police or the ambulance?” Said the husband

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Something We All Need

An Exercise Block
We have an old butcher chopping block in the middle of our kitchen. So it’s easy for me to take a walk around the block. but for you that do not have a chopping block, here’s the answer for all of your exercise guilt.

The instructions read:

1. Place the block on the floor in the center of room.
   
2. Walk around the block twice, sit down and relax.
   
3. If anyone asks, “Have you exercised today?”, tell them you walked around the block twice!

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
As we quickly move into the Christmas Season,
let’s remember that love weighs more than gold.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body. 
~Cicero

~~~
Joke of the Day

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

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Little By Little

Each Day is Better
I continue to improve little by little. I have not had much pain to require many pain pills. I’ve only had 1 or 2 per day at most.

It’s been exactly 1 week since surgery. I’m getting around good, and I even went upstairs at our home today. I can now use the regular commodes without any height adjustments. I took a shower today and that really felt good. All of it has come little by little. I am continually surprised by the human body and its recuperative properties.

An Amazing Black Hole
I think you will enjoy this short video showing a man who discovers a “black hole”. It’s interesting in how he finds ways to use it.

If you had found this “black hole” how would you use it?

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Life is so precious.
Let us put the value on it that it deserves.
Let us protect it with the care it deserves.

~~~

Quote of the Day

I got the bill for my surgery.  Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. 
~James H. Boren

~~~
Joke of the Day

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

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