Monday, October 24, 2011

Different Types of Laws

Three Types, Maybe
I’m thinking there are 4 types of laws: Physical Laws, Man’s Laws, God’s Laws, and the “You Can Count On It Laws”. Today I am going to share the laws of the latter type, “You Can Count On It.”

  1. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  2. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  3. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
  4. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
  5. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  6. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  7. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  8. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  9. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
  10. The Coffee Law - A s soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  11. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  12. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  13. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  14. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
  15. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  16. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
  17. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
There may be more laws that aren’t listed above. I know for sure that you’ll spill something on your clothes at the worse possible time, your shoe string will break at the most inconvenient time, your fishing gear will malfunction just when the fish start biting, and so on. Remember when you were a teenage, you would always get that bad pimple just before a big date. You know what, all of this is JUST PART OF LIFE. Learn to laugh at yourself make the most of every moment.

Quote of the Day
What is told in the ear of a man
is often heard 100 miles away.
~Chinese Proverb

Joke of the Day

Here’s an email from a blonde…

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

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