Saturday, September 6, 2008

It's Football Season: Quotes & Jokes

Quotes About Football
My cousin, Don, sent me a list of football quotes the other day. I listed a eight of them below:
  1. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas

  2. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' - Joe Namath / Alabama

  3. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama

  4. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

  5. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' - Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

  6. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' - Shug Jordan / Auburn

  7. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State

  8. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.' - John Heisman
If you would like to see the complete list of 36 quotes go to my Miscellany page. There you can download the complete pdf file.

Football Jokes
Ken, my next door neighbor, sent me some football jokes a few weeks ago.

These are jokes flowing out of rival school regarding arrests of so many football players on another team: (I have changed the school names to protect myself from the anger of fans.)

  • A lady in the TEAM's town calls 911. Hysterically, she says,"Someone’s just broke into my house, and I think he’s going to rob me!" The police officer says, "We’re really busy at the moment. Just get the guy’s jersey number and we’ll get back to you."

  • Q: What is the coach's biggest concern?
    A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?

  • Q: What do you call a drug ring in TEAM's town?
    A: A huddle

  • Q: Four football players are in a car, who’s driving?
    A: The police

  • Q: Why can’t most of the football players get into a huddle on the field?
    A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.

  • The TEAM has adopted a new Honor System. "Yes, your Honor; No, your Honor".

  • The TEAM is expecting a 7-6 season this year. 7 Arrests, 6 convictions.

  • Q: How will the TEAM spend the first week of Spring Training?
    A: Studying their Miranda Rights
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
My Dad has always been a good example.
I am thankful I have such a good Dad.

We're going to Knoxville today to celebrate Dad's 95th Birthday. He's saved me a few tomatoes from his garden.


Quote of the Day
Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
~J.C. Watts

Joke of the Day
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a tea m of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry asked Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience Counts

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