Ever Heard of This?

What is APHORISM?
I got an email explaining it, but it was a new word for me. One dictionary defined it as “a terse saying embodying a general truth, or astute observation.” The email said it was A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH. Here’s the list of Aphorisms, and some are pretty funny:

• ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
• BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
• CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
• COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
• DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
• EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
• HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
• INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
• MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
• RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.
• SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
• SKELETONS: A bunch of bones with the people scraped off.
• TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
• TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
• YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
• WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
My personal favorite from the list above is the Aphorism for “Secret”… something you only tell to one person at a time.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Worry is a misuse of imagination.
~Dan Zadra

~~~
Joke of the Day

One day, a man walked into a newsroom claiming he had a talking dog. A reporter agreed to run a story on the dog, provided that it could actually speak.

With an air of pride, the man asked the dog, "What is just above us?"

The dog replied, "Roof!"

Understandably, the reporter was not impressed.

Somewhat worried, the man asked the dog, "What does sandpaper feel like?"

The dog responded, "Rough!"

Again, the reporter wasn't convinced.

In desperation, the man asked the dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?"

The dog answered, "Ruth!"

The reporter finally had enough, so he kicked the pair out of the building.

As they sat dejected on the sidewalk, the dog turned to the man and asked, "DiMaggio?"

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When You’re Holding a Hammer…

Everything Looks Like a Nail
New Political Song - If you lean to the right you might like this video…

More information about “Hammer Heads” can be found here: http://www.holdingahammer.com/

I hope you have a great and safe weekend.
I hope to see you here next week.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
If any other of our presidents had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia would you have approved?

~~~

If any other of our presidents had stated that there were 57 states in the United States, wouldn't you have had second thoughts about his capabilities?

~~~

Quote of the Day

A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

While reading a newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was noted for his low IQ.

"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."

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Jesus Loves Me This I Know

Remember This?
Do you remember the Bible song for children? “Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so….” Well someone wrote a version for us seniors. And it’s pretty good. Read on…

JESUS LOVES ME
(For Seniors)

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME.. YES, JESUS LOVES ME..
YES, JESUS LOVES ME, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I'll go
On through life, let come what may,
He'll be there to lead the way.

(CHORUS)

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song..
Telling me in words so clear,
"Have no fear, for I am near."

(CHORUS)

When my work on earth is done,
And life's victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand His love.

(CHORUS)

I love Jesus, does He know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love Him every day.

(CHORUS)

Does Someone You Love Have Cancer?
Yesterday I had a doctor appointment and found the following on a table in the waiting room. I thought I would share it with you, perhaps it could help comfort someone.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited....

It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit

~Author Unknown

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
And, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

~~~

Quote of the Day

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease
as his legs increase.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the door and races out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he left in a big hurry with a worried look on his face.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

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Losing Our Freedoms, One by One

Making Free Speech a Felony!
You’ve got to watch this. It will make you wonder what is going on in these United States of America.

How long before taking our a private ad criticizing the government will be illegal? See the following…

A Doctor’s Paid Advertisement
The following is an ad that ran in this Sunday's paper: The News Herald, Panama City, FL. It sums up a lot of local feelings re the current administration.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Discipline weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

The following may be a true story…

A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading her Bible. Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel." The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class."

About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make the switch to first class."

Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to the elderly woman and said, "Therefore ma'am, if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person."

Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing ovation.

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A Brief Handbook

Good Advice for 2012
It’s not too late to get started with good tips for living. A good friend sent me the following:

Handbook for 2012

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy!
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2011.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra
class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29 Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel . . . get up, dress up, and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. Last but not the least:
40. Share this to everyone you care about.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Don't argue with an idiot;
people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Everyone must choose one of two pains:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
~Jim Rohn

~~~
Joke of the Day

A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair.

“My goodness” he exclaimed, “you are quite old to be driving!”

“Yes” he replied, ” I am old enough that I don’t need a license anymore ”

“The last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket”. ”You won’t be needing this anymore”, he said.

"So I thanked him and left.”

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Knoxville, Tennessee

My Home Town
Tennessee Granddaddy was born in Knoxville in 1938. I used to know my way around town pretty well in the old days, but the town has really changed. Here’s a “helicopter” tour of the town which was prepared by a realty company. I think you’ll like it.

Dad’s Book
A book has been written about my 98 year old Dad. It is aptly named, Dad, The Tomato Man. The book lets you enjoy virtual Coffee & Conversation with America's Oldest Blogger, Ray White. For more information click on the book cover.

Fishing Report 
So far we have had 5 fishing trips to Douglas Lake this spring. Our last trip was last Thursday when we caught 103 crappie but only had 16 keepers. The picture shows me with the stringer of 16 crappie and a couple of white bass.

We’ve been keeping count of the number of crappie caught this year because we have been catching a lot of fish that are just under the legal limit of 10 inches. In the 5 trips we have caught 683 crappie and only 74 have been 10 inches or longer. That’s only a 10.8% success rate. Even though we’re not catching a lot of “keepers” we’ve had lots of fun and it has really kept us busy on the boat.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,'
now I just 'chunky dunk.'

~~~

Quote of the Day

Pro_27:17 
Iron sharpeneth iron;
so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

~~~
Joke of the Day

A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.

The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That's because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.

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Required!

For All Drivers
The following is a video that should be required viewing for all drivers and especially young people who use cell phones. This video is part of AT&T’s campaign about the dangers of texting and driving.

Driving is serious business and can be deadly. There are many thing that can take our attention from the road. We need to be careful about other things that could cause an accident: adjusting the radio, adjusting the GPS, eating or sipping on a cola or coffee, looking at the scenery, watching a passenger, etc. Be careful out there.

(My friend, Mark, sent the link to me the other day. He works at Eastman and they showed it at work to him and others in a safety meeting. Thanks, Mark!)

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It is good to be polite and courteous in our dealing with people; but it has to stop when you are trying to merge your car onto the freeway.

~~~

Quote of the Day

A bargain is something you can't use
at a price you can't resist.
~Franklin P. Jones

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man in a bar is enjoying his drink when he hears a voice say, "You look great!" He looks around, but there is nobody near him.

He hears the voice again: "No, really, you look just terrific!" Again he looks around. Nobody. A few minutes pass, and again he hears the voice: "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you look absolutely stunning!"

At this point the man realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.

"Hey," the man calls to the bartender, "What's with these nuts?"

"Oh," the bartender answers, "they're complimentary."

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The Harmonica

Played at Carnegie Hall
Buddy Greene played his harmonica at Carnegie Hall and it was unbelievable. I think you’ll like it. Thanks to my neighbor for sending it to me.

When you think of harmonica’s you usually think of some cowboy playing some mournful tunes around a campfire. Buddy Greene plays classical music.

Fishing Today
I may be on the lake today going after those crappie again. So far this year we’re catching a lot of fish but only 1 in 10 are keepers. We’ve caught close to 600 crappie this spring, but only had 59 keepers to show for it. Each fish has to be at least 10” in length. We’ll be on Douglas Lake. Wave at us if you see us on the lake!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Just wondering, is it me --
or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

~~~

Quote of the Day

Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

Bob: "So, you say that you won the argument with your wife yesterday."

Joe: "Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees."

Bob: "Really? What did she say?"

Joe: "Come out from under the bed, you coward.”

 

 

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Southerners

Suthunuhs!
A good friend sent me some information about Southerners. Now I am one, so I could agree with the following. If you’re from the north you can read on and you will learn something about us southerners.

• Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
• Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
• Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
• Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
• Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
• All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
• Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
• Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
• Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
• No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
• Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
• In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.
• Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
• Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco , and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
• When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
• Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
• And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.
• Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !

There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!

If you're a Northern transplant down south, bless your little heart. We know you got here as fast as you could.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
What is a "free" gift?
Aren't all gifts free?

~~~

Quote of the Day
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

His daughter walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget the College tuition, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window; take my TV, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anybody that wants it."

Well, she didn't put it quite like that.. she actually said... "Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on President Obama's reelection campaign."

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The Yellow School Bus

The First Ever School Bus
This video is a very interesting bit of history and American progress. The Yellow School Bus......

Blue Bird No. 1

How I Went To School
I never rode a school bus to school. When I was very young I think my Dad dropped me off at school, But when I was a little older I usually walked. It wasn’t that far maybe 2-3 miles. On some days I would get a ride with the milk man who would let me ride in his milk truck/van part of the way to school (I would stand up in the front of the truck, because their was no passenger seat.) The picture above reminded me of the milk truck I used to ride in, but the door on this side was always open.

When I got older I would ride my bike to school. I had a nice bicycle. It was a Schwinn with spring action on the front wheel. I really enjoyed that bicycle. It was the best one available at that time. I just wonder how many miles I put on that bike?

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I’ve always enjoyed and sometimes
used the advice of this quote:
”It is often easier to ask for forgiveness
than to ask for permission.”  ~Grace Hopper

~~~

Quote of the Day

Gardening requires lots of water -
most of it in the form of perspiration.
~Lou Erickson

~~~
Joke of the Day

The IRS sent my Tax forms back! AGAIN!!!

I guess it was because of my response to the question : "List all dependents"

I replied -"12 million illegal immigrants;"3 million crack heads;"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,"2 million people in over 243 prisons; "Half of Mexico ; and " 535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

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Economics 101

Good Example
This is a “must watch” video.

Since this country is heading toward the doom of socialism, we must get people to wake up and see the dangers. We must not become an entitlement society!!! We must remember that the free market and individual imitative is what made America great in the first place.

NObama in 2012!

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Have you ever noticed that people that snore
always fall asleep first.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it.
~L.M. Montgomery

~~~
Joke of the Day

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out his business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

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Car or Boat?

A Boat Was Coming Down the Road
And it wasn’t on a trailer! I was in a parking lot waiting for my wife who was shopping. I glanced up, and rubbed my eyes. I thought I was seeing something unreal. There it was. A boat with wheels and the man was driving it like a car. I quickly grabbed my camera and got off a couple of shots.

I had heard about this vehicle some months ago, but this is the first time I had ever seen it. I wonder if it can travel in water as well as land. Does anyone know?

A Fish I Don’t Want to Catch
Have you heard of the Snakehead fish. It’s not native to North America but somehow got here from Asia or Africa. Some have been found living in some lakes here in the US. I sure hope they do expand to our TVA lakes. They look very mean as you can see in the picture, but I read they are actually meaner than they look!

It’s Friday the 13th!!!
Take heed today and watch your step! Today is one of those rare days when Friday the 13th actually falls of Friday.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
In my day
"grass" was mowed,
"coke" was a cold drink,
"pot" was something your mother cooked in and
"rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
"chip" meant a piece of wood,
"hardware" was found in a hardware store and.
"software" wasn't even a word.

.

~~~

Quote of the Day

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread
and coming out with only a loaf of bread
are three billion to one.
~Erma Bombeck
.

~~~
Joke of the Day

More Puns:

1. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
2. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
3. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
7. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
8. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
10. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
11. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
12. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
13. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

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47 Years Ago

Paul Harvey-A Commentary
I’m sure you remember or have heard of the famous newsman named Paul Harvey. He was enjoyed by millions of Americans who listened to his radio broadcasts. The following commentary was broadcast 47 years ago on April 3, 1965. This was a warning to our nation, and is posed as “What he would do if he was the devil.”

I hope you will listen to it, as it is very interesting and doesn’t last very long. Listen especially to the seven seconds between 1:57 – 2:04.

Paul Harvey’s dead, but he saw it coming. Good day!

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
An old high school friend sent me the following quote:

“Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen."

~~~

Quote of the Day

It is not the oath that makes us believe the man,
but the man the oath.
~Aeschylus

~~~
Joke of the Day

Some Puns, hope you can handle them:

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

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America is Changing

Letter to the Editor
The following us a letter to the editor in Tawas City, Michigan. It pretty much captured my thoughts. If you click on the article it will enlarge so you can read it.

Seriously, are you satisfied with the change we are seeing in America?

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Ready or not, some day our life will come to an end.
Let’s strive to be ready.

~~~

Quote of the Day
A bird does not sing because it has an answer.
It sings because it has a song.
~Chinese Proverb

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.  She demanded a response to her letter correspondence.

She received back the following reply:

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint!

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.  Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.  We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.  Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him.  He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property thereby having no rights. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will "recommend" as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time.  Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,

Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense

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Accordion Music

You Like It?
The accordion is an amazing instrument. It seems you would have to quite skilled to play it effectively. I have never been fond of accordion music, but I like it better than bag pipes. Someone told me years ago, jokingly, that the music in heaven is harps, flutes, and violins, but in hell the music is from bag pipes and accordions.

Today I want to share some accordion music with you that I ran across on YouTube. This girl is very talented and can really play the accordion. Listen as she plays the Beer Barrel Polka (Be ready to adjust your volume)

Yesterday-A Birthday!!!
My Daughter-In-Law, Lesley, had a birthday yesterday. We joined her for dinner at La Carreta’s last night and helped celebrate her birthday. Lesley, hope your day was great and all the ones to follow will be greater!

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

I appreciate patience in others, and I wish I displayed more patience myself. This, I need to work on.

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Quote of the Day

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion
but doesn't.
~Author Unknown

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Joke of the Day

Quote of the day from Larry the Cable Guy”

"Even after the New Orleans Saints' Super Bowl victory, I have noticed a large number of people, implying with bad jokes and anecdotes, that Loozianna Cajuns ain't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment.

Anybody who would build a city five feet below sea level, in a hurricane zone, and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius".

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The Good Old Days

Retro Life
A few days ago a friend sent me a link of some pictures that made my mind travel back in time. I enjoyed it very much and I think you will also. I was thinking about how nice it would be to sit down and go through these pictures with your children or grandchildren and talk about the ways things were when we were growing up. Check it out here:

Retro Life

Big Surprise for Me 
Mandy told us yesterday they had picked out a name for their baby boy that is due in July. They are naming him

Atley James Rogers!

When I heard they had Granddaddy in mind by giving him the “James” name I felt so unworthy. I like the name Atley too. It’ll make them the AAA family:
Alex, Amanda, and Atley!

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Prayer should be the key of the day
and the lock of the night!

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Quote of the Day

Grandfathers are just antique little boys.
~Author Unknown

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Joke of the Day

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be eight again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a Chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you Retard!!!!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening,
he is gonna get it wrong.

(Thanks my neighbor, Helen W.,for the above joke.)

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Our Dogwood Tree

Our Gift Tree
Our neighbors presented us with the gift of a dogwood tree late last year. I sent Ken & Helen and email a few days ago to tell them how much we enjoyed the tree. It is blooming beautifully this spring. I received a note back that they were enjoying it too. Thanks again to our wonderful neighbors.

Spiritual Symbolism of the Dogwood Tree
I have always loved the beauty of the flowering dogwood trees that we have in East Tennessee. They grow in the wild throughout the area. In residential areas you’ll find them with not only white flowers, but pink and red.

Did you know there is spiritual symbolism related to the dogwood tree. This is not based on scripture, but is just a story of the symbolism. I found the following at Visual Forces.

“The dogwood was the tree chosen to construct the Cross that would be used to take the body of Jesus. Even though His body may have been taken from this earth, His spirit remains and every spring we are blessed with a reminder of the events that unfolded on that fateful weekend. The blooms often appear in the shape of a Cross with holes in the tips of the pedals signifying the nails that were driven into the Cross. If you look closely at these holes you can notice a faint red stain representing the Blood. In the center you will find a green bloom symbolizing the crown of thorns placed on the head of Jesus. After the Crucifixion, God proclaimed that dogwood trees would never grow large ever again. This is the reason the trunks of dogwoods are skinny and often branch off low on the trunk. The dogwood is more than a tree…it is a representation of life. With every spring we are reminded of what God did for us and given the chance to be reborn and start a new life as “children of God”. (John 3:1)”

 

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Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I have a Japanese Dogwood tree in the back of my house. It interesting to note that it does not have the nail prints.

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Quote of the Day

Science does not know its debt to imagination.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Joke of the Day

Do you ever feel like doing this?

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