Are You Too Dumb to Own a Computer?

This Guy Was!

And you thought that you had troubles...This is supposedly a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she was said to have sued the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

Why is it that people want the front of the bus,
the back of the church, and the center of attention?

~~~
Quote of the Day

Opportunities do not come with their values stamped upon them.
~ Maltbie Babcock

~~~
Joke of the Day

On doctor’s orders, Marvin had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services. Marvin’s brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of.

“Would you like to see the body?” the undertaker asked.

“I might as well take a look at it before the others get here.”

The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.

“He looks good,” the brother said. “Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for him.”

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Cherokee Lake

A Nice Day on the Lake
Doug, Ralph and I went fishing yesterday on Cherokee Lake in East Tennessee. It was a beautiful day on the lake. Now I want to show you 4 pictures that illustrate the reasons I like to go fishing.

Reason 1 - The scenery.


















Reason 2 - A flock of Wild Turkeys

















Reason 3 - A deer drinking from the cool lake waters.















Reason 4 - A few fish
The six bass weighed 20 pounds. They were either striped bass or the hybrid bass... we were not sure. The pictures in the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency's Fishing guide were not clear in the distinction. We think they were hybrids.

The largest weighed 4 pounds and 12 ounces. A nice stringer, a nice day, wonders of nature, the warm sun, the cool breeze, the gentle waves on the lake,... what more could you ask for.

All these pictures were taken yesterday while we were on the water.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

I believe you must control your attitude,
or it will control you.
May we always be kind in all our dealings with others.

~~~
Quote of the Day

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.
~Will Rogers

~~~
Joke of the Day

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. “Darling,” he says. “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. “I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it,” he says, “because I’ve found another woman I love more than you.”

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck.. “I want the house,” he says insistently.

Up to 60 mph.

“I want the car, too,” he continues.

65 mph.

“And,” he says, ”I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat.”

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: “Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. “No, I’ve got everything I need.” she says.

“Oh, really?” he inquires, “So what have you got?”

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says “The airbag.”

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Squeaky

I have another interesting animal video for you today. It's about a pig. No, not a flying pig. It's a pig that herds cattle. He's called Squeaky the Herding Pig. He's quite an animal.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

I like retirement. People ask me what I do. I tell them I don't do anything Monday through Friday, then on Saturday and Sunday
I rest up.

~~~
Quote of the Day

There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time.
~Napoleon I, Maxims, 1815

~~~
Joke of the Day

A factory owner said to a store owner, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”

“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith. “You know that I argue about every bill and I always pay late.”

The factory owner said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

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The Election is Over!

It's Over!
The election is over. We are thankful today that our God in Heaven still rules all heaven and earth. May we moved to pray for our president and leaders of our great USA and also for all the world leaders and nations.


Watch the Escape
This is interesting to see how this beagle escapes the pen that holds him. It a pretty smart dog and brave, also.


The beagle escaped. Is that good or bad? Maybe bad. He has lost companionship, safety, food and care from his master. Remember the story of the Prodigal son (Luke 15: 11-32).

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

You are really getting smart when reach the point that you know what you don't know, and you are not afraid to admit it.

~~~
Quote of the Day

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
~ Will Rogers

~~~
Joke of the Day

Only in the South...

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head”.

Yep”, he replied. “That’s why I’m dumping it here, cause it says "Fine For Dumping Garbage".

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A Good Recipe

Mix the Right Ingredients
While the following is not perfect, it has lots good ideas about how we could make our life more meaningful. Some of my suggestions for changes are in red. You may have more changes. Life can be better if we let God take the lead in our life.

A GREAT RECIPE FOR LIFE...

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It s the ultimate anti-depressant. Get some exercise. Do at least 30 minutes of cardio at least 5 days per week.
   
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to. Read your Bible and Pray every morning. Listen to what God has to say to you. Thank God for all your blessings.
   
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'.
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts. Eat fish once or twice per week.
   
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Spend quality time with your family!
   
8. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.Think on the good things. Keep God in your thoughts throughout the day.
   
9. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
10. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Good to remember this.
    
11. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. It's hard to hate anyone you pray for, so pray for everyone, especially your enemies.
    
12. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. Try to see yourself as God sees you, that will make you humble. Having true humility is important.
    
13. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
14. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. When God forgives the past is clean, don't let the devil hinder you with past failures.
    
15. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Look to Jesus. Remember our purpose in life is to be like Him.
    
16. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
17. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
18. Forgive everyone for everything.
19. What other people think of you is none of your business. Don't fret about others, we have enough to do to keep ourselves straight.
    
20. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.
21. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
22. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
23. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
24. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________. Read some verses in the Bible every night. Pray every night, and be thankful to God.
    
25. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
26. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it. When you are feeling down, go help someone in need. That will help you by helping them.
    

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

Be sure to VOTE today!

~~~
Quote of the Day

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
~ Will Rogers

~~~
Joke of the Day

Tommy was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

“Tommy!! Tommy!! Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?”

Tommy put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two minutes of silence?”

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The Election to be Concerned About

Tomorrow's Election Day
One of my friends sent me this the other day. With tomorrow being election day, it certainly puts things in perspective. As you will notice it was written maybe 7-10 days ago...

"In slightly over a week now we will have a national election for new leadership in our country. The campaign, to get people excited about this election, began over a year ago and has flooded the news almost constantly during that time. Millions of dollars have been spent, millions of words have been spoken, and millions more have been written. All of this to pick a person who will serve for only four years (eight if re-elected).

"The unfortunate thing about this election is that no matter who wins approximately half the nation will be disappointed and unhappy. Not a very good way to start an administration, with half the citizens unhappy and fearful about national security and the economy.

"It would be easy to get swept up in all the claims and counter claims and begin to place unreal importance on the outcome. It's true, we need to be good citizens and vote as intelligently as possible.... and the election results can have an affect on our daily lives. But I've been thinking recently about how God views such events as national elections. In Isaiah 40:15,17 we are given a glimpse of how much importance God places on world government ".. they are counted to him less than nothing, and vanity." In the great eternal scheme of things, the result of our coming election is like dust on the scales.

"Other references along this line are Col. 1:16, and the 4th chapter of Daniel. We know that God is in control and he will only allow or cause those events that are for the eternal good of the kingdom or for our individual good. So we can wake up on the morning of November 5th and know that The Lord God omnipotent reigneth .. and he is still in control, no matter the election outcome.

"I have also been thinking of another election that is taking place, and one we need to be much more serious and concerned about than our national voting. In 2 Peter 1:10, Peter is encouraging the brethren... " to make your calling and election sure." In effect, we are all running for office, the office of a servant in God's Heavenly Kingdom. If we lose this race nothing else matters.

"Isn't it interesting (and sad) that so much energy/money/time has gone into our presidential race and yet how few are willing to come and listen to the Gospel for even an hour.

So, on a natural level I hope your candidate does well ... but on a much higher level I hope we all campaign vigorously, and put everything into our own election. We have all been "called" and for this we are eternally grateful, now we must make our "election sure"."

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

This is so true, "To forgive is to set the prisoner free,
and then discover the prisoner was you."

~~~
Quote of the Day

It is better to understand a little
than to misunderstand a lot.
~ Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A lonely frog, desperate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled and says, “This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?”

”No” says the psychic, “in a Biology class.”

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Halloween Guests

Trick or Treat
We had a couple of interesting guests last night looking for some sweet handouts. We had a Star Wars blue clone ranger and a flying pig. Zachary was the Star Wars ranger. Kara was a Flying Pig.

Kara made her pig nose, pig ears, and the sign that said, "Pigs Really Do Fly." Kara also had a cute pink curly tail on her backside.


Their "Trick or Treat" Bags were empty when they arrived, but they had some good stuff in them when they left. They headed back to their own neighborhood to meet up with other youngsters for some more "trick or treating".

Fall colors

I just love the beautiful fall colors. This picture was taken from within Warriors' Path State Park on banks of Fort Patrick Henry Lake, which is one of the TVA reservoirs in East Tennessee. It's just a few miles from where Tennessee Granddaddy lives.

Set Your Clocks
Don't forget about the time change. You'll to reset your clocks and watches on tonight. We're supposed to move them back one hour (Fall Back). Here's a nice web exhibit to learn more about Daylight Saving Time.

When I think of Daylight Saving Time, I am reminded of the man who was concerned that the extra hour of sunlight would hurt his crops. And there was the woman that was very concerned about it. She wrote the newspaper to explain that they were messing with nature and should leave time the way the Lord intended it to be. Hey, I'll bet all this global warming stuff is related to Daylight Saving Time.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:

There's just one thing more scary than Halloween...
And that's Election Night 2008!

~~~
Quote of the Day

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
~Thomas Edison

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

“Yes?”

“Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?”

The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15?. The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

“Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”

“8:25!”

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!”

Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

“Sir, sir? It’s 8:45!”

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