Something Funny

A Funny Prank
These people are just out for a bicycle ride, when the pranksters make it look like they are in a bicycle race. You gotta see it. How would you react?

I hope you at least got  a smile out of that. You do know that is is healthy for you to laugh. It’s relieves stress.

Someone needs to tell this little Chihuahua a joke to reduce its stress. No… maybe a longer leash would help.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I saw a young man pass us the other day in his car with the music blaring. He had a sickly colored red hair and a straggly beard. Beverly said, “He’s making a statement.” I said, he sure is, and he’s saying, “I’m a crazy fool.”

~~~

Quote of the Day

It is not the oath that makes us believe the man,
but the man the oath.
~Aeschylus

~~~
Joke of the Day

The old gentleman was explaining, “I've had 2 By-pass
surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.”

“Have bouts with dementia.”

“Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.”

“But.....Thank goodness, I still have my Florida driver's license!”

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Gene Autry

Video Tribute
I ran across this video tribute to Gene Autry and I thought you might want to view it. It brings back lots of memories. The good guys wore white hats, the bad guys wore black hats, right was right, wrong was wrong, and right always won out over wrong. Oh yes, there was some shooting and killing, but there was no gore back in those days. Those old cowboys taught good values and good lessons to the young kids growing up.

Big Weekend Planned
We’re expecting some company for the weekend. A couple we have known for years are coming for a visit. We’re going to start things off with a big picnic this afternoon.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Everybody needs a good hug and a pat on the back occasionally.

~~~

Quote of the Day
The value of consistent prayer is not
that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him.
~William McGill

~~~
Joke of the Day

A married man was standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, his wife commented, "I don't think that is going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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Strawberry Time

It’s Strawberry Time in Tennessee
Yes, those delicious strawberries are coming in and they are delicious. I have 1-2 bowls of these Tennessee strawberries every day. Yum yum!

We are fortunate to have Scott Strawberry & Tomato Farms, Inc. located in nearby Unicoi, TN. They offer some of best strawberries I have ever tasted. One of their means of sales is to set up Strawberry Stands in key locations in our part of Tennessee. At these stands you can buy berries that were picked the same day.

Here’s one of the Strawberry Stands. This one is in the Colonial Heights area of Kingsport, TN.
After the strawberries are delivered to the stand, it doesn’t take long for people to line up to buy these delicious berries.

Last year we bought enough strawberries one week make Strawberry Freezer Jam. Now we can enjoy the taste of strawberries all year. But you can’t beat FRESH!

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Someone said if your eye hurts after you drink coffee, then take the spoon out of your cup.

~~~

Quote of the Day

You may delay, but time will not.
~Benjamin Franklin

~~~
Joke of the Day

Seven Ages of the Married Cold

1st year--The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse."

2nd year--"Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?"

3rd year--"Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something--do we have any canned soup around here?"

4th year--"No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!"

5th year--"Why don't you take a couple aspirin?"

6th year--"You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!"

7th year--"For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store."

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Kara’s Graduation

Graduation from the 5th Grade
Kara’s school had a graduation ceremony yesterday for the 5th grade students who will be attending middle school next year.

I took some pictures and made some videos, and put them together into this movie that captures a little of the ceremony.

We all had a wonderful time.

Our children grew up too fast, now the same thing is happening to our grandchildren.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Silent company, it can be more healing
than a lot of words.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Preconceived notions are the locks
on the door to wisdom.
~Merry Browne

~~~
Joke of the Day

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in the water!!!"

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More About…

Zachary’s Birthday
Here are some video clips that have been put together to show a little more about Zachary and his 8th birthday.

 

More Air Conditioning Problems
Our air conditioning at home went out last Saturday evening, and we have been suffering a little with heat and humidity. We hope to have it up and going sometime tomorrow. It sure makes you appreciate things more when you lose them for a while. I remember the days when air conditioning was something just for the very rich. And not many cars had A/C. When I was a teenager we used to joke about riding around in the summer time with the windows up, just to make people think we had A/C.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I had a good friend who is now gone, and I told him after I retired that I was a has-been. He said, “That’s OK, I’m a never-was.”

~~~

Quote of the Day

Empty pockets never held anyone back.  Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
~Norman Vincent Peale

~~~
Joke of the Day

Tom had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking it was the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life. Who would ever have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch and roll, Tom wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two hours of the trip.

One of the deckhands came up to him and said, "Don't worry, young fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness."

"You've just taken away my last hope for relief," Tom said.

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Memorial Day 2009

A Holiday
While this a holiday, and you may have some fun things planned, like a picnic. Let’s not forget that it is a day of memorial to those you have made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. May we always remember that freedom is never free.

Zachary’s Birthday
We helped Zachary celebrate his birthday last Saturday. He was one happy boy!

Zachary’s excited by those birthday presents!
Here’s that special ice cream cake. It was 90% chocolate ice cream and 10% chocolate cake.

Watch Zachary Blow Out Those Candles!

Let’s eat!
Zachary with one of his birthday cards.
This shirt say something that Zachary says a lot, “Just one more level.” Zachary said his Dad needed one that said, “Don’t even ask!”

 

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
A few days ago we were with some old school friends, and we were talking about hearing aids. Someone said that some of them cost as much as $5,000 per ear. That’s when Tennessee Granddaddy said, “I’ll never pay that… I’ll learn Braille first!”

~~~

Quote of the Day

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long,
has been concerned with right or left
instead of right or wrong.
~Richard Armour

~~~
Joke of the Day

A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"

"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied.

"What stopped him?"

"I started talking about my next husband."

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Happy Birthday Zachary

Happy Birthday!
Today is my Grandson’s birthday. Zachary is eight years old today. In recognition and honor of Zachary’s Birthday, I have a few pictures taken in the past year.

They bring back lots of good memories of all the fun we had.

June 2008	November 2008
December 2008	January 2009
January 2009	February 2009
February 2009	March 2009
March 2009	May 2009

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
No matter how old we get,
we still have a lot to learn.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Don't expect anything original from an echo.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Tyson," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again."

After a moment, she thought she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means."

"I do, too," Tyson corrected. "It means the car won't start."

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The English Language Can Be Confusing

I received the following in an email the other day from  a good friend, and I thought I would share with you today. It’s all about the English language, and how confusing it can be. It’s a little long, but I think you will get a few “kicks” out of it. Read on…

You think English is easy?

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce .
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?  If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

The UP word
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lockUP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special .

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ..

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so...it is time to shut UP !

~ The originator of the above is unknown,
Thanks whoever you are! (TG)

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It is a great treasure to have a good friend.

~~~

Quote of the Day
The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
~Josh Billings

~~~
Joke of the Day

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained , "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"

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South Holston Lake

We tried some fishing on South Holston Lake on last Tuesday.  Here are some pictures that show the beauty of the lake with the mountains in the background. One thing that makes this lake special is the lack of residential and commercial development around the lake. It’s a good lake for trout, smallmouth bass, and walleye pike.

We caught 9 lake trout but no rainbow trout. Here some pictures of the fishing tackle we used, and the fish.

8’ and 10’ rods with line counter reels on each side of the boat. 30 pound test braided line . If you get hung you may save the Deeper Diver but loose the spoon.	Spoons  with a variety of colors. We use 14 pound mono line for the leaders of 4-5 feet.  We use swivels to prevent line twist.
Deeper Divers. Leader to the spoons goes off to the right. Line to the reel goes to the left	A Deeper Diver showing position of the latch after a hit. When you get a strike the latch lever is released so you can bring in the fish more easily.

The Results – Some nice Lake Trout

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Someone said that coincidence is when
God chooses to remain anonymous.

~~~

Quote of the Day

A half-baked idea is okay as long as it's in the oven.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."

The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious.

"We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.

"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."

"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"

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Swimming Lessons are Over

Last Friday was the last day of the swimming lessons for Kara and Zachary. They both did great! Here’s some video clips from the last 2 days of lessons.

Fishing Yesterday
It was not so hot. We caught 9 lake trout but only brought 4 home since the limit is only 2 per person. Unfortunately we did not catch any rainbow trout. All the trout we nice size, each between 2.5 and 3 pounds each. Here’s picture of the 4 lake trout in the cooler.

Tomorrow I hope to show you some more pictures from our fishing trip and show some of the tackle we use.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
A person can say a lot with their facial expressions and body language. Be careful; make sure you are smiling on the inside and the outside.

~~~

Quote of the Day

True merit, like a river,
the deeper it is, the less noise it makes. 
~Edward Frederick Halifax

~~~
Joke of the Day

Census Taker: "How many children do you have?"

Redneck Woman: "Fo'."

Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?"

Redneck Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George."

Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?"

Redneck Woman: "Because we didn't want any Mo'."

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TVA Sportfish Survey

Slide Show
Here’s what I promised last week: A slide show of my best pictures from the May 14, 2009, TVA Sportfish Survey at Swann’s Marina.

These surveys are open to anyone. If you have an interest in signing up for one of the fish surveys, let me know, and I will give you a contact within TVA.

And Some Videos
If you want to get more of a feel for the fish surveys, you can watch my video clips from part of the action on Douglas Lake last Thursday.

Speaking of Fishing
I am going to take a day off and go fishing today. Since the weather is hotter, and the water is getting warm, I think those crappie on Douglas may be a little hard to catch. So we’re going the other direction today to South Holston Lake to troll for Lake and Rainbow trout. We did good last year, so we’ll try the same approach: spoons behind Deeper Divers, using braided line on line counter reels and medium heavy rods of 8 and 10 feet.

If we catch some, I’ll post a picture tomorrow.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It has been said that if we judge another, then we are judging an unfinished work of our Creator.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
~Author Unknown

~~~
Joke of the Day

A man was curious about the secret of success. So he asked his department head, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

He said "two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word." he responded.

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"

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Money is Not Everything

This is old, but good….

$$$   Money   $$$

It can buy a house
But not a home

It can buy a clock
But not time

It can buy you a position
But not respect

It can buy you a bed
But not sleep

It can buy you a book
But not knowledge

It can buy you medicine
But not health

It can buy you blood
But not life

So you see money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering!!!

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you! Cash only please!!!

ANCIENT WISDOM                                   
“If we could give every individual the right amount of nourishment and exercise, not too little and not too much, we would have found the safest way to health."

~Hippocrates 460 - 377 BC

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It’s easy to say, “Don’t worry.”
But worry we will. Let us first see if we can do anything to eliminate the worry. If possible we can eliminate the worry. If not, we can take the worry to God, as He will gladly take the worry into His hands. So we can eliminate the worry that way.

~~~

Quote of the Day
There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.
~Jane Austen

~~~
Joke of the Day

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

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Granddaddy’s Friday

5:30 AM
I took Kevin, my son, to the airport. He was leaving on a company trip.

10:00 AM
Beverly and I went to the gym to work out. One of my knees was bothering me, so I only did 30 minutes on the arc trainer, but I did another 30 minutes on a stationary bike. We also did all out weight exercises.

Scott’s strawberries are coming in, and we stopped to buy some more. They are really good this year.

12:30 PM
ADT came to replace some batteries in our home security alarm system.

Had a little lunch, took a short nap, and took a needed shower.

4:45 PM
Left home to pick up Kara and Zachary for swimming lessons. Friday was the last day. The picture to the right shows them getting some lessons on how to dive.

Kara’s next step in swimming would be to join a swimming team. She’s an excellent swimmer. As for Zachary, his teacher said he should definitely be in the advanced class next year.

6:45 PM
We took Kara and Zachary out for a celebration dinner at Chili’s. After supper we went to the Marble Slab for ice cream.

9:30 PM
We took Kara and Zachary home. We had a wonderful time with them today.

---:::---
Best Wishes for a Wonderful Weekend.
Keep safe, enjoy life, be happy,
and show kindness to all.

 

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It has been said and it is true,
that forbidden fruits create many jams.

~~~

Quote of the Day

One does evil enough when one does nothing good. 
~German Prover

~~~
Joke of the Day

It was a cold winter day when an old man walked out onto a frozen Lake Erie, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young At 5:30 boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute. WHAM! A largemouth bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught two fish! How do you do it?" To which the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

What was that you said?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

"Look, son" said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."

So the boy spit a wad into his hands and said,

"You have to keep the worms warm!"

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TVA Sportfish Survey

Swann’s Marina was our kickoff yesterday morning for participating in one of the sport fish surveys conducted by TVA. Ralph and I left my house at 5:30 AM and we made one stop at Cracker Barrel, then got to the Marina around 7:15 AM. We were amazed at the level of the water in the lake. I have not seen it this high in at least 5 years. I think all this rain we have had in East Tennessee has finally got us back to the norm in lake levels.

We “caught” 181 game fish. All were returned back to the lake in good health. The fish surveyed included bass, crappie, walleye, and sauger. Other species (like catfish, bluegill, carp, drum, etc.) which were electro- shocked were not netted and brought into the boat. Here’s some pictures I took yesterday during the fish survey.

One of the 2 TVA boats	The Electro shocking device
A shocked crappie is netted	A bass being measured
A bass being weighed	The man in front is netting fish
One of the larger bass	Another healthy bass

One of the larger crappie Click on any of the photos above for a larger view. Participation in the TVA Gamefish surveys is open to anyone. It’s a good experience and opportunity to learn. I’m surprised more people don’t sign up. I plan to put together a photo album of more of the pictures I took yesterday, and provide more information about the survey. I hope I can share it with you early next week.

Swim Lessons

Today is the final day of the 2009 swimming lessons for Kara and Zachary. Yesterday they both did great. Kara is learning to dive and she is making good progress. Zachary jumped off the diving board yesterday. They are both excellent swimmers.

~~~

Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Someone told me,
“Don’t put question marks, where God put periods.”

~~~

Quote of the Day

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
~Abraham Lincoln

~~~
Joke of the Day

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

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