Playing With Words

Someone sent me this list a while back. Each sentence is a play on words, and some of them are very funny and cute. I enjoyed it and hope you will too.

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
• A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
The kids are back in school, and there are signs of an ending summer. It would be a good time enjoy the outdoors, before the weather turns cold.

~~~
Quote of the Day
I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
~Abraham Lincoln

~~~
Joke of the Day

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife has left me. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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