Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A Mousetrap is in the house!

Here's a good story about a mouse that gives us a good lesson about life. Many thanks to my son, Kevin, for sending it to me.

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
What food might this contain the mouse wondered - - - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: 'There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!'

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, 'Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.'

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, 'There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!'
The pig sympathized, but said, 'I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.'

The mouse turned to the cow and said, 'There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!'
The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.'

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . alone.
That very night a sound was heard through out the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.


But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.


The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.


So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember ---- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Remember... Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry; our lives are woven together for a reason.


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Watch out for and help others as we go down the road of life.


~~~
Quote of the Day
Well done is better than well said.
~Benjamin Franklin

~~~
Joke of the Day
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

New Slide Shows

Convention
We had a wonderful convention the past four days. I hope to work on my convention gems sometime this week. We heard so many good things that we need to work into our life.

New PowerPoint Slide Shows

I have two new PowerPoint slide shows for you. You can download them here:

New Slide Shows

The new slide shows: The first is about China the Beautiful, and the second is about Dogs and People. Both are really good. I think you will enjoy them.

(The
reason for this new page is that I ran out of space for uploading slide shows at Tennessee Granddaddy's web page. So I created a web page for Beverly, called Tennessee Grandmother. Who knows, maybe some day she will start posting for us?)

The two pictures are a preview from the Beautiful China slide show.

My other slide shows can be found here: Favorite Slide Shows
This is where I ran out of room.


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Be happy and smile.
We have so much to be thankful for.


~~~
Quote of the Day
You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.
~Uncle Remus

~~~
Joke of the Day
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.

Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Friday, September 26, 2008

Thursday was a good day.

From our convention yesterday we heard:
  • God has given us time to prepare, but not time to waste.
  • "Human reasoning" brings treasure in this life, but "heavenly reasoning" brings treasure in heaven
We had a wonderful day at our convention. We heard so much to help us.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I'm thinking that the human body is fragile, and that life is uncertain.

~~~
Quote of the Day
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~Mark Twain

~~~
Joke of the Day
Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Convention

Our Knoxville church convention begins tomorrow. It's four days of spiritual feasting. We look forward to being there. I hope I am prepared. No, I don't mean I have my luggage packed and things like that. I hope I have a soft heart and ready to hear what God has prepared for me.

Don't expect any posts from me until next week. I doubt I will have the time.

I usually take notes at our church conventions. It seems to help me remember what I heard. Then later I go through my notes a jot down the things that were "special" to me. I have called these my convention "gems". I have my "gems" from earlier conventions listed on one of my web pages in case you are interested: Convention Gems


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Someone said, "Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up". I like that.


~~~
Quote of the Day
Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
~George Eliot

~~~
Joke of the Day
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Educational Slide Shows

Every once and a while you accidentally discover a web site that you would like to share with others. Yesterday I found a school website that has many educational PowerPoint slide shows that are available for download. The slide shows are part of the Nebo School District's website which is located in Spanish Fork, Utah. You might enjoy going to their website and downloading some educational presentations. I downloaded a presentation on "rocks" and found it very interesting and educational. Click on the following link to review what's available.



~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I've reached the point in my life where it takes me longer to rest, than to get tired.


~~~
Quote of the Day
Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
~Kimberly Johnson


~~~
Joke of the Day
Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Monday, September 22, 2008

Different Magic and a Good Joke for Today

Jason Latimer is the World Champion of Magic. This video shows him in action with a different type of magic. It is high tech magic with lasers. I think you will find it very entertaining and mystifying.




You can visit Jason's website here:
Latimer

Today's Joke
This joke was sent to me by my cousin Don. I really enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy it, too. Thanks Don, for sending it to me!

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I must be getting old.
I wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and I didn't do anything the night before.


~~~
Quote of the Day
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.
~Scott Adams

~~~
Joke of the Day
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."


The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but..."
. . . "He's a dead ringer for his brother."

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Awww...

The happiest people don't have to have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

Hoping these pictures will bring a little cheer into your life.

Wisdom and Patience will help avoid a lot of problems in life.














That little dog with the pawn is just plain cute.










Now, look at those cute raccoons!











I didn't know zebras could look like this...










Cute does not get much cuter than this little puppy. He's in trouble?









~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I wonder if anybody over 65 has pretty feet.
I don't wear sandals.

~~~

Quote of the Day

A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover
as the love of the giver.
~Thomas รก Kempis

~~~
Joke of the Day
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is gray, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

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Friday, September 19, 2008

How 'Bout Them Apples!

The Apple Tree
We have an apple tree in our backyard that I planted many years ago. It's a Red Delicious, semi-dwarf, tree that I ordered from Stark Nurseries. Some years it does bad, some years fair, but this year it has done great.

Beverly and I picked apples the other day. Here's a picture of her holding one of the limbs from the apple tree. How 'bout them apples! Today she's making apple butter with our friend Sharon.

Fishing
I went down to Douglas Lake yesterday to check on the crappie, but nothing good to report. We caught 1 catfish, 1 drum and about 10 small stripped bass... but no crappie. I think I'll wait a couple of weeks before I try again.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
A bad day of fishing is much better than a good day of weed eating and yard work.

~~~

Quote of the Day

It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done.
~Samuel Johnson

~~~
Joke of the Day
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Wright's Funny Quotes

Quotes attributed Stephen Wright, a stand-up comedian.
  1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
  3. Half the people you know are below average.
  4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  8. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
  9. All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
  10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
  12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
  19. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
  20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
  24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Here's Steven Wright Biography from his web page: "I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end."


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Life is short and time is flying by.
It seems only yesterday I was in high school algebra class.



~~~

Quote of the Day

People who don't cherish their elderly have forgotten whence they came and whither they go.
~Ramsey Clark

~~~
Joke of the Day
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”

The witness: “Yes, sir.”

The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”

The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”

The witness: “Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Russian Bar Acrobatics

I was very impressed when I saw this video clip of the Russian-Bar Acrobatics. You will be impressed by their agility, timing, and precision. It looks impossible to me. Enjoy...


Here's a second video taken from America's Got Talent. It shows a trio that uses the Russian Bar which is only 4 inches wide.



~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Don't forget to put God first.

~~~

Quote of the Day

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,
and one of the best things you can be.
~Douglas Pagels

~~~
Joke of the Day
A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson.

At which point Henderson threw down his cards, and yelled, “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!”

“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.

“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!” cried Henderson.

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Friends, Not Enemies

Taylor's Funeral
We're back home after a long day yesterday. We were glad we had the opportunity to attend Taylor Wood's funeral service. Dad, Beverly and I enjoyed our time together and all we heard at the funeral. We were tired last night, but it's amazing what a night of rest can do for a person. A comment from the funeral service...

"Taylor was a quiet and humble man,
but his testimony was loud and clear."

And I was thinking about this verse today...

"It is better to go to the house of mourning,
than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men;
and the living will lay it to his heart."
~ Ecclesiastes 7:2


Natural Enemies Who Are Friends
This is an interesting video. It shows two animals which should be natural enemies, but who are friends. Watch the Cat and the Crow...




~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Live today, so that tomorrow we are not sorry.

~~~

Quote of the Day

For what avail the plough or sail, or land or life, if freedom fail?
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~
Joke of the Day
A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Traveling Today

Today we will be going to a funeral in north Georgia. We drove to Knoxville last evening, and spent the night with Dad and Mary. We'll leave early this morning to begin our drive to Georgia for Taylor Wood's funeral. Taylor was 95 and a good friend to Dad all through the years. Taylor was a man of God, who was kind and gentle. (Obituary for Taylor H. Wood)

Understanding Our World
If you watch the following video from YouTube, you will have a better understanding of the world we live in. It illustrates our world as consisting of 100 people. 100 is a number we can all relate to. And looking at the world this way gives some true insight. Enjoy...


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Talk softly, be kind, and help someone in need.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
~Paul Boese

~~~
Joke of the Day
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

Failure

Failed Again?
We've all had our share of failures in life. But many people who are famous today, had such failures that you would think it would have destroyed them. But no, they came back! Watch this YouTube clip:


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It pays to be gentle.
Be gentle with people, with animals, and with nature.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
~William James

~~~
Joke of the Day
These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revelation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Friday, September 12, 2008

Miscellaneous

Interesting Things
  • It shows some flash based 3D graphics where you can fly over ice covered mountains. Click here: Electric Oyster

  • Have you tried Google 411. If not, give it a try. Click here: Google 411

  • Read about the danger of plastic bags. Click here: Plastic Bags

  • Pictures of earth from space: Click here: Blue Beauty
~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
As long as you have enough to live comfortably, money is not really important. I think that God, Family, and Friends are what is really important.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Common sense is not so common.
~Voltaire

~~~
Joke of the Day
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from
the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.

The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid."

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Thursday, September 11, 2008

9-11 and a Good Magic Trick

Nine Eleven
Today is 9/11/2008. A day that brings lots of sad memories about the terrorist attacks made against the United States. We will never forget!


A Special September 11th
Today is also a special birthday. Do you remember Jade? She was a Vietnamese exchange student who lived with us last year. Well, today's is Jade's nineteenth birthday. Jade just started classes at BYU in Utah. It is so far from East Tennessee. But we're hoping she'll be able to visit and spend Christmas with us.

Jade



Card Trick on a Bus

I must tell you that this trick "blew my mind." It's another one of Criss Angel's amazing tricks, this one on a moving bus. I wonder how it does it?


~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
It's good to get close to nature.
We're never too old to enjoy God's creation.

~~~

Quote of the Day

Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.
~Michael Burke

~~~
Joke of the Day
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Money

The Truth About Money
Learn all about the value of money and what it will buy from Grandma. Click on the following link:

You can also go to my Miscellany Page and download another version of this. Click below:


~~~

Good Thoughts

From one of our church conventions we heard the following:
  • If our prayers become too casual, we'll become a casualty.

  • JOY means putting Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
Sometimes when I look back on my life and think about how I used to act, I feel ashamed of myself. I think I'm moving in the right direction, but I'm not there yet.


~~~

Quote of the Day
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
~Bob Hope

~~~
Joke of the Day
After pulling a farmer over for speeding, a state trooper started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that the farmer didn't know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?"

The trooper paused to take another swat and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they are. I've never heard of circle flies."

The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are common on farms. They're called circle flies because you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse."

The trooper continues writing for a moment, then says," Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?"

"Oh no, officer." The farmer replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that."

"That's a good thing," the officer says rudely, then goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer added, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

Add your thoughts & ideas to this blog by clicking on the "comments" below

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Thinking Fishing

Some Thoughts About Fishing
I used to fish off the bank. That was before I ever had a boat. I would stand on the bank and cast out as far as I could into the lake. When I got a boat, I would cast toward the bank and try to get as close as I could. Interesting, huh? You see this all the time. The best looking water to catch a fish is where you are not.

I've heard that the biggest fish is the one that almost got caught. Yes, indeed. That happened to me just last week. I hung a big one while trolling. Thought I was hung on the bottom. Then it started swimming away from the boat, ripping line off the reel. Then it snapped the 14 pound test line. I just wonder what it was and how much it weighed. The more I think about it, the bigger it gets. See what I mean.

They also say that a man who catches a big mess of fish doesn't go home by way of the back alley. Definitely not. I've never met a fisherman that didn't want to show off their catch. I guess that's definitely related to pride. I need to watch that!

There was a cartoon I saw one time that showed a man leaving the lake with one very large bass. It was bragging size! He passed a man that had caught several really small bluegills. The man with the little fish, said to the man with the giant catch, "Just caught one, huh?"

You've heard the old say about "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach him to fish, feed him for a life time." My wife modified it: "... Teach him to fish, and get rid of him all day."

~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I think it's a good thing if you can laugh at yourself when you do something stupid. I laugh a lot.


~~~

Quote of the Day
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
~Confucius

~~~
Joke of the Day
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

"Head up," said the doctor.

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?"

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!".

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Monday, September 8, 2008

Our Saturday Celebration

A Good Day
We had a great time yesterday celebrating my Dad's 95th birthday. Dad had all his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren with him except my daughter, Bethany, who lives in New York. This picture shows us at our luncheon. (click on the pictures for a larger view)

After our lunch, we went back to Dad's and enjoyed cake and ice cream. Look at Dad with that big cake. We had chocolate ice cream, too. It was delicious!

We had lots of fun talking and sharing stories. Alex and I went to the garden and picked some nice tomatoes for anyone who wanted to take some home. I got 3 bags full for Beverly and me!

More About Dad
Here's the picture and article that was in the Knoxville News-Sentinel on Sunday September 7, 2008.



























~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
I've learned it's good to have quiet time to be by yourself.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Remember the difference between a boss and a leader;
a boss says "Go!" -
a leader says "Let's go!"
~E.M. Kelly

~~~
Joke of the Day
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, be kind and give him all your love and attention.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

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Saturday, September 6, 2008

It's Football Season: Quotes & Jokes

Quotes About Football
My cousin, Don, sent me a list of football quotes the other day. I listed a eight of them below:
  1. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas

  2. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' - Joe Namath / Alabama

  3. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama

  4. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

  5. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' - Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

  6. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' - Shug Jordan / Auburn

  7. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State

  8. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.' - John Heisman
If you would like to see the complete list of 36 quotes go to my Miscellany page. There you can download the complete pdf file.

Football Jokes
Ken, my next door neighbor, sent me some football jokes a few weeks ago.

These are jokes flowing out of rival school regarding arrests of so many football players on another team: (I have changed the school names to protect myself from the anger of fans.)

  • A lady in the TEAM's town calls 911. Hysterically, she says,"Someone’s just broke into my house, and I think he’s going to rob me!" The police officer says, "We’re really busy at the moment. Just get the guy’s jersey number and we’ll get back to you."

  • Q: What is the coach's biggest concern?
    A: Does the NCAA count bail money as a recruiting violation?

  • Q: What do you call a drug ring in TEAM's town?
    A: A huddle

  • Q: Four football players are in a car, who’s driving?
    A: The police

  • Q: Why can’t most of the football players get into a huddle on the field?
    A: It is a parole violation to associate with known felons.

  • The TEAM has adopted a new Honor System. "Yes, your Honor; No, your Honor".

  • The TEAM is expecting a 7-6 season this year. 7 Arrests, 6 convictions.

  • Q: How will the TEAM spend the first week of Spring Training?
    A: Studying their Miranda Rights
~~~
Tennessee Granddaddy Says:
My Dad has always been a good example.
I am thankful I have such a good Dad.

We're going to Knoxville today to celebrate Dad's 95th Birthday. He's saved me a few tomatoes from his garden.

~~~

Quote of the Day
Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
~J.C. Watts

~~~
Joke of the Day
ICE FISHING CONTEST
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota .

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a tea m of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry asked Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'

Experience Counts

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